Fragile
by dear pearlie
Summary: I won't let you fall apart
1. Chapter 1

a/n: I said I wouldn't do this. I said I wouldn't post this story without it being finished. I'm going to go to hell for being a liar.

a/n II: the idea for this story popped up in my head almost two years ago now, and for some reason it wouldn't go away. in the same way I have taken a journey in the past two years, my writing has as well, and I'm more confident than ever that I'm putting out a believable story that has everything you're looking for. and if not, well I'm working on it. big giant mahoosive thanks to **AmorFati32**. this story wouldn't exist if she didn't. she's my biggest cheerleader and I hope that I can encourage her as much as she's encouraged me.

alright. on with the show.

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**Fragile**

**by dearpearlie**

"Alright Stacie, when is it due? Okay, I'm going out of town this weekend on a case, can I drop it by before I leave? How late? Then I'll just drop it in your mailbox. No problem. Bye."

This was the phone conversation Dana Scully walked in on her partner having just hours before they were supposed to catch their 5:00 flight out to Indianapolis on a case involving a cat-like creature terrorizing a small village another hour and a half's drive from the city. Scully was sure it was a crack case, but Mulder was convinced it was something more, and since his mother's death, it was hard to say 'no' to him all the time. Besides, she'd already planned her trip to the outlet malls there, hoping to score a few early Christmas presents for her nephews and niece. They were getting bigger and older and she felt the need to make up for the fact that she didn't see them as often as she would like with gifts. It made her feel good, though, when on holidays, the children were always eager to open "Aunt Dana's gift."

She dropped her bags on the floor, making her presence and the way she checked her watch obvious so that Mulder would understand that they didn't have much time to waste. She'd run through many a terminal, Kevin McCallister-style, hoping that someone had dropped their carry-on or the pilot was late, anything to help them get on the plane in time. Mulder eventually hung up the phone.

"We have to go to Fairfax to drop something off at my cousin's house on the way to the airport," he informed her, empty suitcase visible from the entryway.

"You have a cousin?" Scully was suddenly far more interested in this new tidbit of information that she had learned than their quest to get to the airport.

"Yeah, Stacie. She's my mother's sister's daughter. She just moved out here."

"What are we dropping off?"

Mulder looked over to his desk, where his checkbook was sitting, open.

"Rent money."

"What?" Scully was more than suspicious at Mulder paying this previously unheard of cousin's bills. He walked into his bedroom and began throwing clothes and suits into his pack.

"She's got two little kids and she just moved here from Charleston. She's had a drug problem since she was a teenager and recently got clean, so I help her out."

It was such a sad, but common, family problem. Much more common, at least, than alien abductions and assassinations, Scully figured. Sometimes she was taken aback by how giving and selfless Mulder could be, given that his search had consumed his life and even hers.

No. She wasn't. She remembered three months ago. When she had asked him to be the father of her child and how he did not have to think about it while he thought about it. He'd said yes. Then six weeks after that moment, when she was pressed up against his chest as hard as she could be, sobbing with everything inside of her for what was not inside of her.

"Well come on, then. We have to get out of here if we're going to make it in time."

XXX

Three days later, a too-tired-to-try-not-to Scully was arguing with an equally tired and mostly disheartened Mulder. They were sitting on her couch, nursing hot mugs of tea, same clothes they had jumped off the plane (but not back to semblance) on. Neither of the agents could tell you when this ritual had started, but recapping on her couch before either of them had had the chance to jump in the shower after a case was normal for them. First he would nearly knock through her door by slumping on it while she used her key to let them inside. Then they'd both take a huge sigh as they rid themselves of at least the physical baggage they'd had to carry in their hands and on their shoulders because of the case. He would go straight for the kitchen to start the kettle while she made a b-line for the couch. Two clumps on the hardwood floor meant that her shoes had come off, and it would only be a matter of seconds before her now-bare feet were curled up underneath her. Before the IVF failed, she'd be in the kitchen with him, imagining a life where instead of late-night conversations they'd be dealing with late-night feedings. A world where she would trade sleep for motherly sounds and a uniquely platonic relationship with her partner for something she was too scared to even allow herself to think about in his presence. When the tea kettle whistled, Mulder would deliver two hot cups to her coffee table, and then assume the same position. Yes, they were arguing, they always were. But this ritual was important to them. After seven years and too many lost lives to count, they needed to fight and argue while sitting on her couch and inhaling the scent of herbal liquid and each other. On their terms.

"Detective Halvorson was totally biased from the beginning, Mulder. It's one thing to have to explain the deaths of livestock to a bunch of local farmers, it's quite another to have to explain it to a whole town of tourists. He was just trying to rev up the local economy," she tried not to yell and tried not to look at his gorgeous eyes staring her straight in the soul. Instead, Scully buried her face in the cushions of her new cream couch, which were perfect for that purpose.

"Not just livestock, Scully, pets. Family pets. Killed inside their homes with no evidence of a break-in. And what about those bite marks we saw on all of the victims, the ones that don't match those of any local predators? So what if it's a cave town hurting for tourists, that doesn't mean that something isn't going on there."

"Mulder, I'm a lot more inclined to say that there's a physically deformed or possibly injured coyote running around taking whatever easy meal it can get than I am to say there's a non-indigenous phantom panther, that just happens to be attracting a lot of Bigfoot hunter types, stalking the area. They can hype this up all they want, Mulder, but that doesn't mean that the FBI has to go out and investigate."

"Inside their homes, Scully, no evidence of a break-in. Even Wile E. left clues—" suddenly their very intellectual argument was interrupted by the muffled sound of a cell phone ringing from across the room. And since Scully's cell was already sitting next to her tea on the coffee table, Mulder threw his hands up and went to dig through his suitcase to answer it.

"Don't hang up don't hang up don't hang up," was his mantra as he dug through compartment after compartment searching for the device. Finally, on the twelfth ring, he was successful.

Scully didn't hear him go through all of the formalities of answering the phone. She stopped listening and started paying more attention to the fact that she desperately needed to take care of her painful hangnails.

Until this:

"Okay okay Zach, I'll be right there. I'm not going to be long. You and Megan stay right where you are and wait for me. Don't go anywhere near the door," he hung up and bolted for his suit coat and keys.

"What's going on?" Scully asked, popping off the couch.

"I need to get to Fairfax," Mulder answered cryptically.

"For what?" Scully had forgotten their small detour there the other day.

"Zach and Megan, my cousin's kids, haven't seen their mom at all today and someone came looking for her, trashed the place, and left. They're scared. They want me to come over."

"Are they alright?" Scully followed him out the door. She was going with. Their post-case time together hadn't expired yet.

"I won't know for sure until I see them."

The agents could never have prepared themselves for what they found that day, though.


	2. Chapter 2

**a/n: thanks to those who reviewed  
**

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"Zach? Megan?" Mulder called, walking through the dim apartment. She was right behind him, just as she always was, taking in their surroundings. The state of the house made him sick, and it wasn't just from the obvious wreckage the intruder had caused. There were dishes piled high in the sink, there was laundry scattered all over the floor, a quick examination of the fridge revealed nothing more than an expired quart of milk and less than a fourth of a bottle of tequila. A mangy cat was roaming around, making Scully's eyes water (that not being the only thing making her eyes water). Tables and chairs were flipped over, glass and other items were broken on the floor. He hated that he'd met Stacie outside of the building when he gave her the money a few days before. Mulder couldn't tell what was damage and what was the normal state of affairs. One thing was plainly clear, though – everybody in there needed help.

"Mulder," Scully stopped him when she entered the bathroom. The two young children huddled together in the shower didn't know her at all, but they trusted Mulder and had called him there to help them.

He came running to the door, as his footsteps indicated, but slowed to walk through it because he understood his partner's tone of voice. There, huddled in the dirty shower, was eight-year-old Zach clutching five-year-old Megan to him like a vice. After only a split second, though, the little girl broke free of her brother's grip and ran to Scully blindly. Her cries were difficult to understand, but she could tell that developmentally the little girl was years behind where she should have been. Scully held the girl as terrified sobs wracked her body. The boy still stood in the shower, a weight seemingly lifted from his shoulders. He didn't have to be responsible for his little sister anymore. He could lose control.

"Zachy, come over here buddy," Mulder squatted, holding out his arms. It took a tense moment, but the boy's eyes teared up the same way his sister's had, and he sought comfort in Mulder's arms.

"Are you hurt?" Mulder asked, holding the little boy at arm's length as he briefly examined him.

Zach shook his head. "We were hiding."

Breathing a sigh of relief, he pulled Zach back into his embrace. "That was very smart. You did a good job."

The scene she was a part of what caused Scully to become emotional as well. Just judging by the state of the house, those two kids lived in hell. And if what Zach told Mulder about his mother were at all true, that hell was ten times worse than Scully could ever imagine. Her tears fell for Zach's lost innocence and Megan's lost sense of security. The thought that someone could treat babies that way sickened her. The thought that God would give someone like Mulder's irresponsible cousin children, yet deny her the chance to even conceive and then make her watch her child that should never have been die right in front of her was what really broke Scully. She didn't want to cry in that bathroom, especially not for her own selfish reasons, while they had two very damaged children to make sure were safe, but she couldn't help it.

"I wanna go, Mulder," Zach said against her partner's shirt. Mulder looked up to Scully, asking if she was really in this with him—could she do this without losing it?

"Hi Zach," she thought this would be as good a time as any to introduce herself, "I'm Dana. I'm Mulder's friend."

"I know," Zach sniffled, and Scully's eyes begged the question. Mulder looked down.

"I want to help you and Megan. Is that okay with you?" she wanted to make sure they played by his rules. Above all else, she wanted his trust.

Zach nodded dispassionately, eyes darting between Mulder and Megan.

"I want you two to go with Dana out to the car. I'll be right out there in only a few minutes, okay?" Mulder assured the children. He didn't want the kids there when he called the police.

Craving a mother's love and already having taken to her, Megan was fine right in Scully's arms. But getting Zach to go along with her was a different story. When she reached down to grab his hand, he violently pulled away from her and latched on to Mulder's leg. He was whining, pleading with Mulder not to leave him. It broke both of the agents' hearts because for the first time, they were seeing how truly neglected and abused those children had been.

"Mulder!" he screamed when Scully put her hand on his shoulder, feeling like he was being ripped away. The second she heard her brother screaming, Megan started screaming, scared and not knowing what else to do.

"Zach, please, go with Dana. She's very nice and she'll take good care of you."

"I want _you_! I called _you_! Don't let her take me!" tears were streaming down his face.

"I'll be right there, Zach," Mulder was still trying to reason with him when Scully knew he should be providing him with the comfort and security he never had.

"No you won't!" he screamed louder than Scully believed any eight-year-old could scream. "You're going to leave just like Mommy!"

At hearing this, Megan was prompted to start calling for her mother, red-faced and snotty from crying.

"I want my Mommy! I want _Mommy_!"

"Come on Meggie, we're going to the car," Scully kissed her cheek.

"Zach!" the little girl reached her arms out for her brother. Scully had held squirming children before, but nothing could compare to Megan's intensity to get down to him. Finally, to keep her from hurting herself, Scully set her on the floor, and the two wrapped their arms around each other.

Since the situation had calmed down, Mulder continued on with what he had initially planned to do, which was leave a note for Stacie to call him and to notify her that he was taking the kids, which he didn't really imagine would cause her much unrest. He held off on calling the cops, though, more concerned with getting Megan and Zach out of there, and not sure what would happen to them if he did.

"Okay, I'm done, are you two hungry?" Mulder asked when he rejoined the kids and Scully outside of the bathroom. Megan immediately nodded her head, but Zach remained stoic.

"Alright pumpkin," the little girl finally smiled at Mulder's nickname for her, "we'll go get a happy meal."

Megan went willingly back to Scully when Mulder handed her to her, then he grabbed Zach and they all made their way out of the apartment. Mulder shut the door of their old lives behind them, silently promising to the two children that they would never have to go back again.

XXX

"We should have grabbed something else for them to wear," Scully sipped on her diet Coke on the way back to her apartment after visiting McDonald's. They were going back to her place because it wasn't the bachelor pad that Mulder lived in. She had a spare bedroom where they could sleep, nutritious food for them to eat, and an all-around more stable place for them to recover. Both kids were asleep in the back of his car, having eaten more than just a happy meal each. Zach had finished his hamburger and fries in under five minutes, then ate the rest of Mulder's meal. Megan had asked for another order of chicken nuggets as soon as she was done with hers. At first, they had expected it was for the small animal toy she had received in her box, but she surprised them when she ate everything in her second meal as well.

"I wasn't spending another second in that place finding something clean for them to wear. Besides, everything in there smelled like piss."

"Well what are we going to do for tonight? The clothes they have on now aren't exactly adequate, and they need something to sleep in."

"We can run to the mall really quick before it closes. They need a lot more than clothes, though, Scully," Mulder reminded her. Like she needed reminding.

"We need to contact Social Services, Mulder. We need to start an investigation, find out where their mother is, find out who broke in and why," she trailed off.

"I know. I know. It's just… it's going to be too much for them right now. Look at what happened when I told Zach to leave with you! Imagine what it's going to be like with a black-coated, funny-smelling official, or having to sit down with a bunch of cops. Kids know."

"We're required to do so not only as citizens, but as members of law enforcement."

She knew it was killing him to think of the kids going with a Social Services agent for the night. Every tremble that shook their bodies, every fear that ran across their young minds, physically tortured Mulder. But they had no choice.

"Let's just get them a few things to wear and take them back to your place. We'll figure out what to do from there."

Seeing his expression and how responsible he felt for Zach and Megan, Scully nodded and looked ahead. She couldn't be the one who helped to rip those kids out of his arms. She had to be loyal to him. She could do nothing else.

XXX

Thankfully, the kids were in dire need of a good night's sleep and were out like lights after they were dressed in their new pajamas. They slept through Mulder and Scully calling the police, and the ensuing visit they paid them. After that, it was time to call Social Services.

Cynthia Lewis knocked on Dana Scully's door at 11:58 that night. As a social worker for MSS, she had often been out on calls this late at night, but this time her boss had expressed the importance of time in this situation. Apparently two FBI agents were harboring an eight-year-old foundling and his five-year-old sister and requesting family placement and an immediate investigation into their case. She yawned. She had just been ready to hit the sack when she got the call, having had a hard time getting her own three boys to sleep.

The door was opened by a very pretty red-headed woman, just a bit younger than Cynthia.

"Hi, you must be Cynthia," the woman greeted, opening her door a bit wider to reveal a tall dark-haired man sitting on the couch farther in the apartment, looking not at all as happy to see her as his companion was.

"Yes, Cynthia Lewis with Maryland Social Services. Are you two the FBI agents?"

"We are. I'm Special Agent Dana Scully, and this is my partner, Fox Mulder. Come in please."

Over tea, the three adults discussed the situation Mulder and Scully had found themselves in. She did most of the talking, Mulder more worried about Zach and Megan's future than what the social worker had to say.

"Mrs. Lewis, my partner and I have dealt with several child placement issues over the years, and I assure you that we know the conditions we took Megan and Zach from were unsafe. Not only were they left alone for at least 24 hours, their home was unsafe, there was no food in the pantry or the fridge, and there was a break in just prior to our arrival. They've clearly been living in this state for awhile, and they show signs of severe neglect and abuse," Scully explained, trying to be as detached from the scene they had rescued the children from earlier as possible to keep from losing it.

"Have you heard at all from the mother since you took the children?" Cynthia asked.

"No, even though we left her a detailed message describing why we took the kids and where she could reach us before we left."

"When was the last time you last had contact with her?"

It was Mulder's turn to answer. Even though Scully had an undying devotion to the woman's children, she had never actually met Stacie.

"It's been at least a three days since I last spoke to her. She called and asked for money," Mulder told the social worker.

"How much money did she ask you for?"

"$400 to pay rent."

"Did you give it to her?"

"Yes. I wrote her a check."

"Were you expecting her to pay you back?"

"Not really. I know she's not in a very good position. She's always had a drug problem, and she told me that she was moving with her children to DC to get clean. So I've been helping her out as much as I can."

"Do you know of anywhere she may have gone or anyone she may be with now?"

"No. She was a waitress at a pub near her home, but when I called in today looking for her, her boss told me he fired her a few weeks ago. I don't know where else she could have gone, but judging by what happened in her home I'd say she's back into drugs."

"Alright," Cynthia wrote something down on a form, "and where are the children now?"

"In the guest bedroom sleeping."

"Alright, Mr. Mulder, based on what I've heard and your credentials, I'm going to grant you temporarily family placement. There will be an MSS investigation of the home and family that should be able to help you get extended custody in a hearing you will attend next week. If you do hear from your cousin before then, you may contact MSS and she can sign over her rights to you. In addition, she will face either neglect or abuse charges, or both, based on our investigation. Is this your home?"

Mulder's head was spinning, and he was struggling to follow her. It had been a long, stressful day. Thankfully, Scully seemed to know exactly when to step in.

"No, ma'am. It's my home."

"Agent Mulder, I'm going to have you sign some forms for me, and after that you should be free to keep the children until further notice. I'm going to leave some numbers here, including my own, please contact us if there is any problem with the children, and especially if their mother tries to contact you. We will begin our investigation tomorrow, and we will be working with the police department. Tomorrow I will also send you the information about your custody hearing coming up, so please provide a fax number if you have one, and all numbers you can be reached at during the day here and here," Cynthia was pointing out. In order to get some sleep, some peaceful sleep, Mulder signed where she told him to. He didn't understand the responsibility he was taking on. He didn't want to know.

As soon as Cynthia left, Scully turned around to find Mulder almost asleep on her couch. She crawled next to him, feeling like she shared something with him that nobody else could understand. There were several things that allowed her to feel like that.

"Shoes off," she muttered, laying her body completely against his.

"Are you sure you want to do this, Scully?" he asked, kicking off his black dress shoes. It was an important question, but he phrased it like an unimportant one, confusing Scully a bit at that late hour. They were in this together, she thought. They were partners. He couldn't really think she would let him do this alone.

"What do you mean?"

"You know you don't have to do this. You don't have to go through this. I know how cases involving children… affect you."

"This would affect anyone. You can't really expect me to walk away from them now. Everyone in their lives has walked away from them. More than that, it would be impossible for me to let you go through this alone."

"I just don't want you to get hurt," he had taken up a more serious tone and was lifting his neck at an odd angle to be able to see her. His arm had snaked itself around her, assuring her it was okay to say what she really felt.

"It's not about me anymore, Mulder, or you. Those two kids need people in their lives that aren't going to give up on them. They need people to hug them and talk to them and feed them and bathe them and keep them safe. And I feel personally responsible now."

They didn't need to exchange any more words. She pulled his arm tighter around her and rested her head on his ribcage. Wordlessly, they slipped into sleep.

XXX

Piercing screams shattered the serenity of the household that night, startling both Mulder and Scully from their peaceful slumber on her couch. She was the first to make it to the bedroom. Turning on the closet light revealed a confused Zach holding himself in the corner of the mattress and a still-asleep Megan, shrieking and crying as she tried to free herself from the sheets twisted around her tiny body. She hit Scully in the mouth with her flailing arms, but that didn't slow her down one bit.

"Meggie… Meggie, shhh. It's just a dream, darling. Everything's okay," Scully cooed, trying to gather Megan in her arms. The little girl's eyes flew open, the still-unfamiliar surroundings startling her even more. As she cried and fought her way back to the waking world, Scully noticed that Megan was wet. She'd had an accident. Not long after realizing this herself, Megan started mumbling something.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Please don't be mad! I'm sorry!" she wailed.

"Nobody's mad, sweetie. It was an accident." By then, Mulder had arrived and was taking Zach into the living room. It was just Scully and Megan. The agent wanted to cry just as hard as the little girl was. She was obviously traumatized and now feeling extremely guilty for something she had no control of. Megan was going to need years of intense therapy. Both children were.

"I'm sorry Dana," Megan was calming down and admitted in a pitiful voice. Scully hugged her tightly, then scooped her up and took her across the hall to the bathroom.

"There's nothing to be sorry about. That's why we call those 'accidents.'"

"I had a dream about the place with the big barking dogs."

Scully could only imagine what type of places Megan had been to her in young life. The only thing she could do now was try to help her get through her painful memories—be the loving figure in her life that her mother had failed to be.

"How about some bubbles to make it all better?" Scully asked, then dumped the rest of her expensive bubble bath into the warm water of the tub.

In the living room, Mulder was sitting on the couch with Zach.

"Does Megan have a lot of nightmares?" he asked, knowing that nightmares were par for the course for abused children. Furthermore, when he heard the bathtub start to run, he knew exactly what had happened.

"Yeah," Zach said quietly, looking intently at his hands.

"And what happens?"

"When Mommy's home… she makes her sleep on the floor on top of the sheets," he admitted. But Mulder knew he was hiding something.

"What happens when Mommy's not home?" he inquired, knowing by now that that was usually the case. Zach pulled his knees up to his chest and shook his head.

"Zach, you know you can tell me anything. I only want to help you."

Shaking his head some more, the little boy said in the smallest voice Mulder had ever heard, "I can't."

"I won't get mad at you. There's nothing you could do or say that would make me not want to help you anymore."

Tears escaping from behind his glasses and down his cheeks, Zach looked like he was seriously considering telling Mulder what he was hiding. It would only take a minute for him to come clean.

"I… I hit her. I know it's bad but she wets the bed all the time! It's gross and it smells! I hate it!" he vented, looking more disgusted with himself than mad at his sister. The tears were coming faster and faster and his breathing became more and more frantic before he eventually lost it and threw himself against Mulder's chest. Dumbfounded, it took Mulder a second to grasp what the little boy had told him. The way Megan looked to her brother, the way she trusted him and needed him, he would have never thought that Zach hit her when she wet the bed. Of course, it was through no fault of his own. He was only eight-years-old and had so many responsibilities that didn't belong to him. He shouldn't have had to be his little sister's protector. He was just a little guy himself and needed one as well.

"You hate me," Zach cried once Mulder hadn't said anything for a few minutes. This only made the man tighten his arms around him, though.

"I don't hate you, Zach. I could never hate you. You shouldn't have had to take care of Megan all by yourself. That's not your job. I understand that you don't know what to do sometimes and you lose it. Everybody loses it once in awhile. But Megan is younger than you. And she's just as scared. From here on out, it is never okay to hit anyone, especially your little sister. She loves you."

Zach nodded sadly, still feeling like he was being scolded. Mulder wiped the boy's eyes the best that he could, trying to assure him that it wasn't his fault. God, if only he knew that.

"Let's go get the sheets off the bed, big guy. Then we'll put you in Dana's bed."

"Can I sleep with you?"

Mulder knew he should be getting the boy to sleep on his own. Always coddling him wasn't going to do him any favors in the long run. Not only that, but if Zach was sleeping out in the living room, then Megan would no doubt want to sleep there too. And then both he and Scully would get no sleep. And they'd be tired the next day, already with so much to do.

But it was not in Mulder that night to tell Zach no. So he got some blankets out the hall closet and started making up the couch for the four of them.


	3. Chapter 3

Scully awoke in a way that made her question whether or not the last month, in which she found out that her attempt to get pregnant with Mulder had failed and she would probably never be a mother, had happened at all. And if that were true, then she had already jumped a considerable amount of time into the future. Because there was a tow-headed little girl and a mousy-haired little boy with Mulder mouths snuggled intently into her embrace. And she felt the weight of another being near her on the couch as well.

But then she remembered. And it broke her heart in more ways than one.

"Mulder," she whispered. Nothing. He and couches were a volatile combination sometimes.

"Mulder," she tried again, this time jabbing him in the side with her foot. That did it.

"Hmmm?" he asked, rubbing his face. Scully was sure he did not have the same reaction to waking up in the presence of two little children that she had had, but that was beside the point.

"Good morning." Scully didn't know what else to say. They had been so exhausted the night before that they did not discuss what the next day, the one they were waking up to now, would bring for them. She severely wished they had.

"Want me to take one of them?" he asked. Okay, no "good morning" back. His family skills would have to be worked on.

"No. I'm fine."

"Alright. Umm… I know it comes as no surprise to you, Agent Scully, but I actually have no idea what to do now."

"Well that makes two of us."

"Do you think they're hungry?"

"Yes."

"And baths, do you think they'll need baths?"

"Megan got a bath last night, but Zach could probably use one."

"And uh… will they just watch TV or do we—"

"Mulder, I'm not too concerned with the little stuff that makes up everyday life right now. It's Monday. We have to call in to Skinner and explain the situation to him. Megan and Zach can probably stay with my mom while we assist in the investigation. We need to get over there and help Mulder, we have to find your cousin."

Reaching over to check his phone to make sure Stacie hadn't tried to call in the wee hours of the morning proved futile—there had still been no word from her.

Mulder sighed. He knew they would have to have many more conversations like this. But, oddly, he was content to talk about the "everyday stuff" that Scully knew better than anyone was just a ploy to keep from thinking about the awful situation his cousin had caused and could have been put in herself.

"Alright, Scully. But it's," Mulder checked his watch, "6:42 in the morning and I just want to worry about getting them fed for now, okay?"

"Okay. They'll be fine on the couch while you wash up and I make breakfast. We should let them sleep as long as they can."

"What're you saying, that I can't cook or that I smell?" Mulder feigned offense.

"Both. Now help me move them."

Mulder gently lifted each child off of Scully and set them on opposite ends of the couch. Neither one stirred, showing just how much-needed their rest was.

He could never have imagined himself in this scenario this time the day before, he thought to himself as he watched Scully lift her arms above her head and stretch. It was almost like having a family with her, something he had thought about more than once but, especially after the past month, had never dared to hope for, at least in a conventional sense. Not that the situation they were in now was anything resembling conventional. Take a woman with which you have a borderline unhealthy level of dependency on, two severely emotionally damaged children, add water and _presto_, didn't seem to be the best formula for a family. But until further notice, it was his.

"Scrambled eggs?" Scully asked mid-yawn.

"Are you sure you don't just want to jump in the shower with me? I know how you are about saving water," he decided to joke around.

"Thank you for reminding me how much you love burnt toast, Mulder. I'll be sure to put your orange juice in the microwave too."

"Kidding, kidding," he smiled, but pushed his luck by ruffling her hair, which earned him a punch in the arm. Despite what other people may perceive about his partner, Mulder knew that nobody could keep up with his humor like she could. It was one of his Scully-secrets.

She was successfully whisking six eggs and the recommended amount of milk in a bowl with a fork without waking Megan and Zach when she heard Mulder call, "hey," from her bathroom. That could mean so many things.

Seconds later, he was in her kitchen sans clothes. In fact, the only thing keeping Scully from seeing her partner in his full, un-injured, glory was one of her fluffy bath towels tied around his waist. Not only was her shock lost on him, though, it was replaced with his own as he held up a tiny, insignificant piece of everyday life.

"You kept my toothbrush?" he asked, bewildered.

In the month that they had spent trying to forget that they had made an attempt to make a baby, Mulder had spent the night at Scully's exactly eleven times. All consecutive, all of them immediately after they received the bad news. Mulder had resigned himself to the fact that Scully needed it. She had spent almost three years knowing that she would not be a mom, and when the tiniest glimmer of hope presented itself, her beloved biology had to take that away as well. And on top of the ones she had lived through since, she had for four additional years kept her emotions so in check, so distant from him, that when the floodgates opened, everything poured out. And it left her tired, angry, and in a way, weak. It had been a hard eleven days of empty suicidal thoughts, hostility, used tissues, and guilt. The last one was mostly for him. He owed it to Scully to spend time at her house dealing with the aftermath of her biggest dream being crushed because he knew that if it were not for him, she wouldn't have to go through the heartache at all. And in that time, he had acquired a toothbrush.

Scully blushed. She remembered those nights. She remembered, mostly, telling Mulder how she wished she were dead and how that same night he had taken her gun and hidden it from her. Scully still didn't know whether or not she had been serious then. Yes, childless people were every bit as valuable as those with fully functioning reproductive organs. But, dammit, she had watched her sister and her daughter die and she had been abducted and she had fought Their cancer and all she had wanted was to bring life into the world and at that moment, she had felt so empty.

She remembered, mostly, the way he tasted and the way his lips felt against her skin when, on that first night, they had emotional, angry, shameful sex. It had been her fault. He hadn't wanted to "take advantage" of her, but Scully had wordlessly pressed on to a point where their partnership could never be the same again. She made him come in her, wanting to feel something, some type of potential. But all they accomplished was post-climax regret and never talked again about what they did. But every night they spent in her bed afterward, it was there between them, like someone had snapped a picture of them at their lowest, using their very real feelings for each other to hurt them.

Then, eleven days were up and she had convinced herself that she didn't need his scent at night to know that tomorrow was going to come just as it always did. But that didn't mean that she didn't miss it. Truth was, she had thought about throwing away his toothbrush. Before those days, he hadn't had a history of spending the night at her house for long stretches of time. She hadn't, though. She just hadn't.

"I forgot about it," she and he both knew she lied. They would, could, never forget those eleven days.

"Well, I guess it worked out for the best, because I left mine in Indiana."

"I guess it did."

Mulder smiled sadly and made his way back into the bathroom, leaving his partner struggling to forget those eleven days where her life was turned upside down.

Then, she heard a small whimper coming from the couch and turned her head to see Megan's face contort in a dream. And she realized that it had once again.

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**let me know what you think!**


	4. Chapter 4

**happy Sunday!**

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Maggie Scully tentatively walked up to her daughter's apartment door, intensely praying that her cryptic conversation over the phone with her that morning didn't mean she was deathly ill. Or in grave danger. Or any of the things she seemed to be when she called her mother with little more to say than, _"I think this is something we need to talk about in person."_ She made the sign of the cross before she knocked on the door.

"Hi Mom," Scully answered, seemingly in no trouble or peril whatsoever.

"Hi Dana," Maggie hugged her daughter tighter than she knew she should have.

"Come on in."

Scully knew that her mother was worried when she got off the phone with her. Then, when she realized that nothing seemed to be wrong with her, Maggie relaxed for a few seconds. Until she walked in the house to see Fox Mulder and two strange children sitting at her daughter's table like they belonged there. That was when she became very confused.

"Who is that?" Megan asked, looking up from her breakfast.

"That is Dana's mom, Maggie. She's very nice," Mulder answered. If she was satisfied with that answer, Megan didn't show it. She looked suspiciously at Maggie, almost like she had a reason not to trust her.

"Dana, do you want to tell me what's going on?" Maggie tried to remain calm. But all her mind could fall back on was visiting a small, red-headed little girl in a children's home two Christmases ago. And how, only days later, she was watching as that same little girl was buried in the ground.

"Let's sit down," Scully and Mulder shared a look. He was obligated to help break this news to Maggie, and he trusted the children would be okay as long as they were only in the next room. Kissing Zach's head, Mulder got up and joined the women in the living room.

"What's going on Dana? Who are those children?" Maggie wasted no time in cutting to the chase. Even Skinner's initial reaction to the children hadn't been that brazen.

"Mom, those are Megan and Zach Harris. They are Mulder's cousin's children. Yesterday Zach called Mulder and told him that he hadn't seen his mother all day and that someone had come in and trashed their house. She has a history of using drugs and as far as we can tell, she's relapsed, which could potentially explain the break in if she owed someone money. We brought them here and called Social Services. They're doing an investigation, but for the time being, Zach and Megan are going to be staying with Mulder and I."

To Maggie, the whole story was big news. To Mulder, though, the "Mulder and I" part of the explanation was what he was really surprised about, and he had lived the other stuff.

"How are they doing?" Maggie finally asked, having taken a few seconds to digest what this meant.

"They're still a little weary, Mrs. Scully, but they're warming up to the idea of being here. Anywhere would have been better than what they were living in," Mulder piped up.

"You have no idea where their mother is?"

"We don't Mom. That's actually why I called you here. Mulder and I think it would be beneficial if we joined in on the investigation. But the kids need someone to take care of them. We were wondering if you would be able to help us out. I really don't trust anybody else, considering the situation we just pulled them from."

Fifteen minutes ago, Maggie had thought her daughter's cancer had relapsed. Now she realized that she just needed a babysitter.

"Right now?" Maggie remembered back to her daughter asking her if she had plans for the day on the phone.

"Yes."

She couldn't decide whether or not she was angry. After all, the last time she had seen her youngest daughter was when she and her partner had spent a night at her house following a high-profile case in California. Neither of them would tell her much about what had happened on that particular case, but she knew it had changed their lives. Dana's life was changing in so many ways that her mother wasn't privy to anymore, she realized as she noticed Mr. Mulder's hand on her right shoulder.

"Okay honey."

XXX

"We'll only be gone for a few hours," Mulder tried to explain an hour later as he and Scully made their way out the door. Or attempted to. Megan was currently attached to his partner's leg, screaming in fear of being left alone.

"NO!" was all the little girl would offer. They should have anticipated this, Megan seemed to have a host of attachment disorders. But since she had agreed to stay with them, Maggie had been interacting with Zach and Megan beautifully. Mulder and Scully actually thought they would be able to slip out of the house unnoticed after Maggie had started reading _Charlotte's Web_ to the kids, but to no avail. Both children had figured out they were making their way toward the door, and Megan had reacted badly.

"Megan, sweetheart, you and Zach are going to stay with Mrs. Scully," Mulder tried lifting her off the ground, but the little girl suddenly became dead weight in his arms.

"NO NO NO _NO_ I don't want you to GO!" she screamed, clawing at Scully's leg, not feeling she could grab on tight enough. Maggie and Zach watched the scene unfold in pain.

Mulder was about to try again, but Scully put her hand up to stop him. She bent down and picked Megan up herself, and the little girl curled into her embrace.

"I don't want you to leave," she mumbled into Scully's neck pitifully.

"I know," Scully sympathized with the young girl by rocking and cooing to her. "But we're going to come back very soon."

"No you're not."

"Megan," Mulder got her attention, "Dana I and I both love you. We would never leave you. We're going to come back."

Megan's tears began to abate, as if she were realizing for the first time that when somebody leaves, they don't always leave forever. Maybe she was.

"10 minutes?" she asked, holding up her ten fingers hopefully.

"Well, it'll be a little longer than that darling."

"Oh."

"But," Scully put her forehead together with the girl's, "I'm sure if you ask my mom very nicely, she'll want to bake cookies."

Maggie was delighted by the idea. Her daughter would make such a great mother. Megan, to her merit, gave the woman a shy glance as she stood up and walked over to them.

"Do you want to make cookies, Meg?" Maggie asked, making sure she took her time in approaching her.

Scully felt Megan's nose hit her throat.

"I want to," another small voice popped up. It was Zach, who was now standing right at Maggie's hip. To some it may have looked like he was also seeking attention, which was something no adult could blame him for. But Mulder instantly recognized what the little boy was doing because he had performed the same act when he and Samantha were young. He was trying to assure Megan that everything was going to be okay. And in that moment, Mulder didn't see the scared, frightened boy who had been clutching his sister in the shower stall, completely afraid and completely the victim. He saw a little man emerge from the child. He had never been so impressed.

"Really?" Megan asked her brother. It was unlike him to trust new people. The people that his mom had exposed him to in his short life hadn't been the type of people he could just let his guard down around.

"Can we have chocolate chip?" Zach asked Maggie.

"Of course. I'll even let you lick the spoon just like I used to let Dana when she was a little girl."

"Come on Megan," Zach grabbed her hand and waited as she was peacefully set on her own two legs. Then, they ran off to the kitchen together, even though they didn't know the first thing about making cookies.

"Thank you Mom," Scully heaved a huge sigh of relief.

"No need to thank me, dear, just show me where your mixer is."

As the two women went off in search of the kitchen appliance, Mulder's cell rang. And when he was done with the conversation, he had a gut feeling that his life would be changing more permanently than he ever could have expected.

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**reviews are greatly appreciated!**


	5. Chapter 5

**thank you for all of the positive responses! they mean so much to me!  
**

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The Sunrise Motel off of Highway 270 just outside DC. Mulder pulled up there at 4:31 to see almost a dozen law enforcement cars parked outside, ranging from the Virginia State Police to FBI sedans. He could see that the door to room 6 was open, though the entrance was covered in caution tape. Just taking in the sights, the minute details. Anything more than just surface observations would have been too much at the moment, and he needed to keep his head about him. For example, he didn't want to think about the situation he was in snowballing completely out of control, even though that was certainly where it was headed. The state trooper on the phone had assured him of that.

"Do you want me to go in with you?" Scully asked once they had parked and had been sitting in the car for a few minutes. He'd almost forgotten she was in the front seat.

"No."

Another minute of silence.

"Are you sure?"

"No."

More silence. But he was biting his lower lip in that Mulder way and she could tell he was scared. She wasn't sure he was ever going to move from the car until another agent knocked on the car window, snapping Mulder back into the present.

He spoke with the agent, just an investigator, for a brief moment while Scully picked at her cuticles, trying not to look inside. Then, as abruptly as their conversation had started, it ended, and Mulder took a deep breath before turning to his partner.

"They have everything but an ID right now."

"Are they waiting on you?"

"I'm the only family member around."

"Do you need a few more minutes before we go in there?"

"No, Scully. We need to get back to Megan and Zach."

So they made their way into the motel room, the crime scene, where nothing was as it should have been. There was broken glass everywhere because the mirror on the dresser was broken. The TV had been taken. Clothes were everywhere. And on the floor by the window was the body of Mulder's cousin Stacie, elastic still wrapped around her arm. The tips of her fingers and her lips were a deep shade of blue, and the needle that undoubtedly killed her not far from her final grasp. Her eyes were open and staring blankly up. Scully wondered if the woman had even known she was dying.

"Agent Mulder," a man with a jacket that read "Coroner" stepped in the room, not taking even a second glance at the scene around him.

While Mulder identified the body as his cousin's, Scully stepped outside to gather her thoughts. She knew what this meant, and she wasn't experiencing the degree of shock Mulder was that would prevent her from thinking about it either. In fact, it was all she could think about.

What would happen to Zach and Megan? From what Mulder had shared with her, both children were products of irresponsible sexual encounters, and there was great suspicion as to who their fathers were. Even if she knew for sure, there was no way Scully would open that can of worms. Mulder had also told her that Stacie's mother was in no way fit to take care of herself, much less her grandchildren, having made arrangements to live in a retirement community not long ago. Mulder's mother had died, and aside from a few disinterested people on Stacie's father's side of the family, there was nobody who could take the kids in. They would go to foster homes and be part of that system until they were possibly adopted.

Unless Mulder stepped in. It wasn't a question in Scully's mind. It was just a matter of what kind of hoops he would have to jump through and what kind of impact it would have on his life. Their lives. Her life was on the cusp of total upheaval as well, and she knew it.

"Can you get in there and do a brief examination?" Mulder had snuck up on her outside as she had been deep in thought.

"For what? The coroner is inside. Mulder, we both know what killed her," she hated to tell him.

"Scully, you saw the state of the room. Somebody else was in there with her, and that somebody may have had a bigger hand in all this than we think."

"Mulder, you and I have both seen cases like this before. Whoever was with her probably got scared and tried to make the room look like an intrusion occurred by destroying the place. Either that, or they did it in a drug-induced frenzy. There are so many ways this could have panned out."

"Please, Scully. I just need to know for sure. I just need to know that Stacie was all along the type of mother who would kill herself with drugs instead of work on her life for her kids. Please," his eyes were cloudy. It had felt so much like a typical crime scene for a minute that Scully got too caught up with her position to remember that the woman laying on the floor in that room was a member of Mulder's family. And that she loved that woman's children already, after only a day of caring for them.

"Alright," Scully relented.

XXX

Stacie had been a pretty woman.

It was clear that her body had deteriorated because of the drug use. She was disgustingly thin and bony, her skin was marred by scabs and scratches, and her hair was dirty and tangled. But she had a kind face, pretty eyes, and despite everything else, Scully knew that before she had developed an addiction, she had been a healthy, happy woman with the whole world at her fingertips. Every day women and men, boys and girls, like Stacie had once been, had their lives destroyed in one way or another. Scully was just having a hard time grabbing on to the fact that this woman's destruction had been completely of her own doing, and now her children were going to have to live with what she did for the rest of their already traumatized lives.

It was just as Scully, just as everybody, knew the case to be. Stacie did not display any exterior signs that would lead Scully to believe that her death was caused by anything other than an overdose. She didn't tell Mulder that with her words, though. She found him outside, leaning on his car, and putting her hand on his shoulder was enough to let him know. He aggressively put his hands over his face and stomped his foot on the ground. He was so much like Zach and Megan. Both of their mothers had killed themselves.

"You know, some addicts who have recently been in treatment overestimate their tolerance. That's why you see so many overdoses in people who have been recently recovering."

Nothing in Mulder's expression showed that he even registered that she had been speaking.

"Mulder, please talk—"

"Let's just leave. We have to get back," he flung the car door open and got inside.

"Mulder," Scully rushed around to the passenger's side, "Mulder, you need to listen to me. You are not handling this well. I don't think it would be a good idea for you to see the kids right now."

"Don't tell me what's a good idea."

"They're too little, Mulder. It's going to be a hard enough blow when we have to tell them properly. If they were told or they suspected something, it would devastate them."

"I'm not planning on telling them, Scully. Not like this."

"What I'm saying is that the way you're acting right now is going to tip them off. I don't think you should come back to my place tonight."

"Scully…"

"My mom and I are perfectly capable of handling them. All I'm saying is that you need some time to yourself. You need to calm down."

"There's no way."

"Mulder!"

They did not realize they were yelling at each other until Scully felt the pain of her escalating scream as she said his name. Taking a deep breath, she waited to continue.

"Mulder, I'm sorry about your cousin."

"How could a mother want to leave her children like that?" he asked, and Scully knew he was asking on more than just Megan and Zach's behalves.

"She was a monster, Mulder. She subjected her children to unthinkable horrors only to die in some stereotypical motel room and leave them not only with no plan or anything to their names, but with a whole host of emotional and psychological problems. And you know what? That may actually be kinder of her than staying alive to prolong their hell. At least now they have a chance." Scully wasn't worried about hurting him by degrading Stacie. As far as both of them were concerned, it was more than deserved.

"I don't know what to do next, Scully. I'm completely lost. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say… I don't want to do this."

"There is no _right_ thing to do or say. You did the most right thing you could have when you answered Zach's call and went to get them."

"They're in my life now. And I know they're going to be for the rest of it."

He'd just confirmed what she had already suspected… Mulder was going to go ahead and petition to adopt the kids. That was another headache for a different day. All they could do at that moment, for their own sake, was to leave the investigation alone, get back to the kids, and make sure that they were going to be prepared for what life was about to deal them.

As they were en route back to Scully's, Mulder abruptly turned to her.

"If you were a kid again right now, what's the first thing you would want to do?"

It didn't take long for Scully to answer, and the car made a sudden turn into a shopping complex off the highway.

XXX

"Zach, Megan, wake up," Scully gently shook the two children. It was after 10 at night, and under any other circumstance, she would be horrified if anybody tried to wake them up. Some things can't wait, though.

"Zach, Megan, it's Dana. Mulder and I are home and we have a surprise for you."

Megan was the first one to start to open her eyes. Even after only limited time watching them sleep, both agents had already figured out that Megan was the lighter sleeper of the two. She also slept the most fitfully, tossing and turning all through the night while Zach seemed dead to the world during his sleep.

"Hmm?" the little girl murmured before her eyes were even open all the way.

"Sweetheart, it's Dana and Mulder," finally, Megan looked at them. "See? We told you we'd be back."

Megan didn't look too excited to see the two, undoubtedly still shaking off sleep, but once Zach was awake and saw Mulder, he seemed to breathe a sigh of relief.

"Kids, we have surprises for you out in the living room," Mulder informed them, watching Megan crawl into Scully's lap and stick her thumb in her mouth.

"Is it Christmas?" she asked innocently, causing Mulder, Scully, and Maggie to laugh.

"No baby, we just have a really fun surprise for you. But you can go back to sleep and see it in the morning if you'd like," Mulder knew that would get both of the kids out of bed. Soon, both of them had launched themselves out of the room. All of the adults quickly followed them, wanting to see their reactions to what was awaiting them in the living room.

"Ahhh!" Megan screamed, and the biggest smile broke out on Zach's eight-year-old face when they saw the purple and grey bikes waiting for them in the place of Scully's coffee table. The little girl immediately ran up to the purple one, which had white tassels on the handlebars and a basket, while Zach stayed back, seemingly dumbfounded.

"Do you like it buddy?" Mulder crouched down to his level. Zach could only nod enthusiastically.

"Can we ride them Mulder?" Megan ran up and threw her arms around his neck.

"You most certainly can ride them. They are yours."

Both of the children were stunned by that revelation. Megan responded by jumping up and down uncontrollably. Mulder took both of them over to the bikes, expecting them to jump on. They didn't, though, and when Mulder asked why, Zach piped up.

"I don't know how."

Maggie was the one most touched by that information. Years and years ago, when her children were little, she remembered them learning how to ride bikes. It started out with a tricycle, and the Scully family had had the same one from Bill Jr. all the way to Charlie. It was a rite of passage for one sibling to pass it down to the next one as they moved up to riding bicycles. When it came to learning on those, it couldn't happen if Bill Sr. wasn't home. Her mother remembered a four-year-old Dana waiting three extra months after her best friends from down the street had started riding their bikes and Maggie herself had offered to teach her to learn, just because it was "dad's job." The falls, the scrapes, everything that came with childhood, could all be symbolized by the experience of learning to ride a bike. And here were Zach and Megan, two children who had only seen kids riding bikes on the street or on TV, not knowing what to do in the presence of real ones.

"Once you learn, you'll never forget," Scully told the little boy, picking him up and setting him on his new grey bike with flames painted on the sides. He put his feet on the pedals but was hesitant to move them any further.

"Push down on the pedals, Zachy. One at a time," she instructed him further, even though that would mean him potentially riding across her living room. Mulder took a good look at his partner right then, and he couldn't help but smile. They had both thought that she would never get to do this. And even though they weren't related to her in any way, Zach and Megan had come at just the right time.

Slowly, and with a few slips, Zach made his way across the rug. Megan, not to be outdone, carefully climbed on her bike and started to move her legs in wildly different directions, missing the point of the pedals altogether.

"I wanna ride like Zach!"

"You know what? This apartment is a bit small to be riding bikes around in. Let's go outside," Scully suggested, making her mother's eyes widen.

"It's 10:30 at night Dana."

"Mom, tonight they're going to learn to ride their bikes," she said definitively, then went to assist Mulder in bringing the kids and their new toys outside.

XXX

Almost two hours later, Mulder and Scully each carried a sleeping child upstairs to bed. Depositing them down, an unasked question hovered between them. When were they going to tell Zach and Megan about their mother?

"Tomorrow. After breakfast," Scully said sadly, and Mulder nodded, putting his arm around her.

Tomorrow.


	6. Chapter 6

"_Zach, Megan, we have something to tell you," _her own words of a few days prior echoed in her mind. Scully had let Mulder do all the explaining—it was something he felt he had to do. So she had sat uncomfortably on her own couch that morning and waited for the tears to come. By the end of the conversation, Megan was crying frantically in Mulder's arms while Zach sat back much like he had when he saw the bike the night before. Withdrawn, subdued, and most importantly, not displaying any emotions.

Now, three days later, the day of the funeral, things had not changed. The four had been haunting the apartment, living in their own worlds, not saying much to each other. Scully doubted that Zach had uttered a full sentence since they told him his mother had died. And he'd shed even less tears than that.

"Dana, can I wear this?" Megan walked over from Scully's vanity with a tube of red lipstick in her hands.

"Maybe when you're a little older," Scully was mostly concentrating on getting her black pantyhose on without putting a run in them. Before the service started at noon, Mulder had taken Zach to his apartment to get ready while Megan stayed with Scully. They figured it would be more special if they had some alone time with each of them. Plus Mulder needed to stop by his place to get more clothes.

"Are you going to wear it?"

"No, it's not really appropriate for today."

"What's going to happen today?" Megan had laid herself on the opposite end of the bed, facing Scully, putting her hands underneath her chin. She looked sad, if a little scared.

"Well, remember when we talked to you and Zach about your mom?"

Megan nodded, though she didn't make eye contact.

"Today we're going to have a nice ceremony for her so you and your brother can properly say 'I love you' before she goes to Heaven." It physically left a bad taste in Scully's mouth to say those words. In addition to everything else she was feeling, she knew, _she knew_, that Stacie wasn't going to Heaven. But she couldn't tell her daughter that.

"Is she going to be there?" Megan asked, almost hopefully.

"No, baby. Remember, she died?"

"Does that mean I don't have a mommy no more?"

Scully mirrored Megan's position on the bed and took her hands in her own.

"Your mommy will always be your mommy. Nothing is ever going to change that."

"But who is going to take care of me if she's gone? Do me and Zach have to live on our own?"

Scully tried to keep from laughing, knowing that the girl was completely serious about her fears.

"You and Zach will always have a place to stay here with Mulder and me."

At hearing that news, Megan looked absolutely delighted and threw her arms around Scully's neck.

"I love you Dana," she said sincerely. Scully's heart warmed to hear that. As much as she had done for Megan and Zach over the past week, she felt they had done even more for her without knowing it. She hadn't wanted to consciously affirm it, but with Megan's trusting embrace, Scully finally reconciled that the two were filling the hole that learning she was barren had put in her. They were all healing.

XXX

Not many people had showed up to celebrate the life of Stacie Harris. Which was why it didn't take long for the cemetery to empty after they had put her casket in the ground. At the end of it all, Scully, Mulder, the children, and Maggie were the only ones left. Megan had fallen asleep and was being carried by Mulder, while Scully had her hands on Zach's shoulders. Nobody had thought that a phone call from a scared little boy one week ago would end up like this. Maggie kissed her daughter on the cheek.

"Do you want me to stay with you guys tonight?" she asked, brushing a few strands of hair behind her ear.

"I think Mulder and I can take care of them, thanks Mom."

"Well if you need anything, just call," Maggie kissed her again. Then, she stepped over to Mulder and kissed him as well before leaving.

"Did you want to say anything to her before we go?" Scully whispered in Zach's ear. He just shook his head and turned so that his face was buried under her arm.

"Say 'I love you' to Mommy, Meggie," Mulder encouraged the sleeping girl as he bent down to pick up a flower to throw in the grave. She slumbered on, blissfully unaware.

"Do you want anything special to eat, Zach?" Scully asked as all four of them turned to go. "We could even go out for some ice cream if you want."

"I don't want any ice cream. I just want to go back to your house," Zach murmured as Mulder took his hand. Scully took the other one.

So that is exactly what they did.

XXX

"She's out like a light," Mulder explained after they got home and he had put Megan to bed. Zach and Scully were in the living room trying to put together a puzzle because that was the only thing that Zach seemed to want to do. Mulder, however, didn't seem to think that was adequate.

"I'm really in the mood for some movie theater popcorn right now. What do you say, Zach? Do you want to go see a movie?"

Zach shook his head.

"Ride bikes?"

Another no.

"Maybe we could go to the toy store and see if there's anything there you would like…"

"I know you're just being nice to me because my mom died."

The eight-year-old's words stopped both Mulder and Scully's hearts. How could he think that? Were they doing something wrong? Were they showing too much attention to Megan?

"Zach, that's not true," Mulder almost stuttered.

"It is true," he asserted.

"What makes you say that honey?" Scully asked, wondering if she could get him to open up a little more to them.

"You hardly know me. You can't like me."

"Of course we can."

"No you can't. My mom didn't even like me," he admitted heartbreakingly.

So that was the root of the problem, both agents thought to themselves. Mulder, a trained psychologist, was actually pleased that this had come out. It meant that Zach wanted to talk.

"Zach, why do you think your mom didn't like you?" Mulder gently prodded, hoping with all his heart the little boy was ready.

"I mean, she liked me, but not all the time. After we moved away from our old house, she used to hug me and play with me, and she used to sing Megan songs and tuck us into bed like you do. And when I came home from school with a good grade, she would hang it on the refrigerator and we always had food, but… then I couldn't do good on my spelling tests last year. And I couldn't read as fast as the other kids could."

Scully and Mulder already knew where this story was going. It was Child Abuse 101. Zach was getting ready to blame himself for his mother's addiction to heroin.

"And then our bad mom came back. And she didn't like us anymore," Zach dropped his head in defeat.

"Zachary," it was the first time Mulder had used the child's full name since he rescued him, "come here kiddo."

It took some convincing, but Zach allowed Mulder to put his arms around him to be held. At the moment, each adult was showing more emotion than the child, but what was important is that he had opened up about his life in a way he had previously been trying to avoid. They were miles away from the little boy they had known just that morning.

"Now, I'm going to tell you something, and I don't want you ever to forget it. Okay?" Mulder asked the boy, who reluctantly nodded.

"What happened with your mom was not your fault. Never for a minute was it your fault. Your mom was a good person, Zach, but she made bad choices. She made bad choices even before you were born. Nothing you or Megan did made your mom make those choices, though. Your mom tried to make good decisions for you guys, but sometimes when people have done bad things in the past, it means they have to work twice as hard as you or I ever do to make good decisions. And your mom found that it was too hard and she started doing bad things again. But none of that, not even a teeny little bit of it, was your fault."

Finally, and only Scully was in a position to see in his face that it was coming, Zach began to cry. Just like when they had arrived at his mom's apartment a week ago and he realized he was not the sole protector of Megan anymore, a load had been lifted from his shoulders. He had truly believed that the reason his mom did drugs and drank and abandoned them was because he had trouble in school, or because his sister sometimes wet the bed. And it was just a relief that he had faith in and trusted Mulder when he told the eight-year-old that those things weren't his fault, and they were never his fault. It was the truth.

"Wh-what's gonna happen to me and Megan?" the kid struggled to ask through his tears after a few moments of crying as hard as he could.

"Don't you worry about that. I'm working with the people that found your mom to be able to keep you and Meg. Nobody is going to take you from me. You're safe," Mulder informed him. It was hard to hear Mulder make those promises to Zach, especially when Scully knew things weren't that simple, but she wanted so badly for it to be true that she didn't say anything. Besides, Mulder had been in contact with the woman from Social Services, and even she had said that it would be best for the children to remain with Mulder, provided he could pass a home check and make some lifestyle changes that would show the courts he would be a fit parent to two young kids. Neither of them knew what changes she had meant, but they were both certain that Mulder would jump through any hoop they needed him to jump through to make sure he kept Zach and Megan.

All of the revelations Zach had made that day were emotionally as well as physically draining. Paired with the stress of the funeral, and once he had cried all of the tears he could, the little boy's eyes were drooping and his head was hitting Mulder's shoulder.

"Do you want to take a nap bud?" Mulder asked in a soothing voice. Zach nodded emphatically, rubbing his eye.

"My head hurts Mulder," he whined as Mulder carried him to the spare bedroom.

"Shhh, close your eyes. Everything is going to be alright…"

A few minutes later, Mulder emerged Zach-less, expecting to lay down on the couch and catch a few Zs himself.

Instead, he found Scully sitting with her head in her hands on the couch, and the reason he was worried wasn't because that was exactly where he had planned to rest his head to forget about the morning.

"Hey," he scooted up to her gently. Mulder hadn't had a lot of practice with a crying Scully. Of course he'd seen her cry before, and he'd even acted as a pillar of strength for her in some instances. But he'd only seen Scully so defeated a few times in their partnership, and they all had to do with personal loss. He had no idea she would react to Zach's story like that.

Scully continued to sob, and after a moment of watching motionless, Mulder slid his arm around her shoulders and turned her into him. Then, he leaned back on the couch and brought her with, making sure that both of his arms were wrapped around her tightly. Putting his chin on top of her head and cupping the side of it with his right hand put him in exactly the position he wanted—the position he knew she needed. Thankfully for Mulder, the loss (was it a loss for him as well?) of their opportunity to have children had prepared him for that moment, so he treated her just like he had treated her then.

And he waited, trying desperately to keep his own tears at bay.

"Those poor babies," she hiccuped when she felt she could speak.

"They're with us now," Mulder tried to comfort her. He moved her so that their foreheads were touching and if she let him, he could kiss the tears from her cheeks.

"No matter how much we love them, Mulder, no matter how much we try to erase what happened to them, we can't take back what she did."

"No. No we can't," he conceded, " but they are so young and so strong… and the important thing is that we got them out when we did. They're going to be okay."

Scully was full of surprises that day, because as soon as he uttered those words from his lips, Scully had planted hers over them. It took Mulder so off guard that he succumbed to it.

Not that he wouldn't have if it were the most apparently oncoming thing in the world.

Desperately, Scully nipped at her partner's lips, not having to work very hard to get her tongue inside his mouth. And just like that night several weeks ago, he was powerless. She had straddled his lap and was putting all of her effort into kissing him and exploring his torso through his dress shirt, all while tears were streaming down her face.

"Are we going to be okay?" she pulled back briefly to ask, both of them panting heavily.

"Scully," he regretted trying to stop her, but he wasn't about to ruin the best thing in his life by once again making a dick-driven mistake, "I don't think this is a good idea."

"Mulder, I needed you when my world was falling apart. After…" she couldn't bring herself to say the words. "And now, I need you again."

It was all she offered before she resumed her assault on his lips. And frankly, it was all he needed at that moment.

Several sloppy kisses and after bumping into a few things (who knew Scully had so much furniture?) later, they made their way to her bedroom. Mulder focused on getting off his clothes while Scully locked the door. That, at least, made her happy. That she needed to lock the door.

Within minutes, they had crossed a line that they'd never been able come back from: mutual nakedness.

"I don't want to do this if you think it's going to be a mistake," Mulder struggled to get out as she was dipping her tongue in his bellybutton.

"It's a little late, Mulder."

"I just… we're upset."

"And we're trying to deal with it. Are you saying you don't want this?" She was challenging him. Scully knew exactly what she was doing.

"God no. I want this, Scully, but not if you don't. I can't do this again."

Scully made a pained face that let him know that was the last thing she wanted to talk about.

"Mulder, don't be stupid. I'm right here, same as you, and I'm ready."

In a frenzy of kisses and scratches and tongues and moans and muffled screams and thrusts and hands and feet and discarded blankets… they realized that they _were_ making a mistake. It had been plainly sitting there, watching them. And then it was over, and Scully was laying on top of his naked chest, trying to catch her breath. Despite the heavy gasping, both agents heard rustling from the other room, the room the children were sleeping in. The pitter patter of little feet and a young girl's voice crying out for Scully told them Megan was awake. Scully practically leapt off the bed and scrambled to put her clothes on. They were still warm from each other when she harshly told him to get up. That was when Mulder's heart sank. Because he knew. And he had known all along.

Things got more confusing when he went to kiss her and she let him.

"They can't know," Scully told him as she ran over to the mirror of the vanity, running her fingers through her hair to straighten it. Before he could answer, she rushed out to be a mom.

XXX

"And you know what happened after that?" Scully asked Megan and Zach later, after dinner and baths and healing time.

"What?" Megan was totally engrossed in the story. She had never heard anybody tell _Cinderella_ like Scully was telling it. Zach was trying not to be impressed by the girly fairytale, but he secretly loved the way Scully was telling the story as well.

"The shoe fit," she said with enthusiasm. Even after what happened earlier in the day, Mulder, who was standing in the doorway, grinned at her performance.

"Did she kiss the prince?" Megan bounced up and down.

"You bet she did, right on the lips. And they lived happily ever after."

"In a castle?"

"The biggest castle you ever saw."

"But what happened to the mean old stepsisters?" Megan wanted to know.

"They got eaten by sharks," Zach said just to be mean.

"Really? Cool!" Megan celebrated, which got everybody laughing. With encouragement, though, both children crawled under the covers and snuggled in tightly with their pillows. They looked like such little angels. It was hard to imagine that they were just starting their lives over.

"Goodnight, kiddos," Scully kissed Zach, then Megan, "I love you very very much, and I will see you in the morning."

"Goodnight Dana," each of them said.

"Say goodnight to Mulder," at least she was acknowledging his presence again. Mulder chastised himself for being so mean. He mostly blamed himself for not stopping when he knew things were going in a bad direction.

"Goodnight Mulder."

"Goodnight my princess," he leaned in to kiss Megan on the cheek, "and goodnight my prince," he kissed Zach in the same motion. "Sleep tight."

Once the nightlight was on and the big light was off, both adults walked softly out of the room, big smiles still on their faces. Then they got into the hallway and it was a different story.

"It's been a long day, Mulder," Scully yawned and stretched without looking him in the eye. Or so he felt, he wasn't looking at her either. "I think I'm going to turn in early."

"Alright."

"Let me know if you need anything."

He needed so many things from her at that moment, but he only nodded inaudibly.

"Goodnight Scully," he finally managed to choke out as she made her way to her bedroom. Eye contact included.

"Goodnight Mulder. Sleep tight," she also looked at him regretfully as she stepped through her bedroom door and then shut it behind her.

He scoffed. There was absolutely no way he was getting any sleep tonight. With that thought, Mulder made his way over to the couch to get settled in, which, if he could recall correctly, was what he was trying to do before he lost all semblance of what was appropriate and what was not.

* * *

**let me know your thoughts :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**thank you for all of the positive feedback!**

* * *

Another golden sunrise broke through Scully's curtains and reminded Mulder that he was not in his partner's bed.

It had been a few days since they'd once again slept together, and each moment after they rushed into and out of the sack with each other had been painful and awkward, at least it was for Mulder. Just like last time. He couldn't read Scully on this issue. On one hand she seemed fidgety and uncomfortable around him. On the other, he could detect the hints of sadness in her eye when they did manage to get close to each other, like she was missing what they had. He knew he was.

_Or she could just be pitying you_, Mulder told himself. God, he needed to get out of there. He'd been in close contact with Cynthia from Social Services, as well as hired a lawyer in order to help him get started with the adoption process. The fact that he'd already been granted custody and was Zach and Megan's only living relative in the area helped him tremendously, and it kept foster care off the table. But he'd been notified that if he was serious about going forward in the adoption process that he would have to be able to pass a home check. So Mulder figured he may as well find himself and the kids a home.

As if the universe were finally sympathetic to his plight, Mulder heard the soft thump of the daily newspaper hitting Scully's front door.

XXX

An hour later, Scully's alarm woke her up. But judging by the sounds coming from her living room, she wasn't the first one. Hopefully it wasn't Megan. Lately she'd been having a hard time sleeping, complaining that she didn't want Scully or Mulder to leave her alone by herself, even though she still slept in a bed with her brother. And more than once she'd discovered the youngster had snuck out of bed to pop in an _Arthur_ tape they'd purchased on a terrified whim the night they'd taken her from her mother's. Today was a work day, and Scully didn't want to subject her mother, who gladly watched the children while Mulder and Scully went to work, to have to deal with a grumpy and sleep-deprived five-year-old.

But upon further investigation, Scully found that the only person awake was Mulder, and he was sitting hunched over her coffee table with the newspaper, TV on in the background.

"Morning," she greeted him. He didn't look up to say the same, which hurt. Scully knew that the dance they had been doing around each other since their frantic mistakes was uncomfortable at best. While they were used to not talking about things bothering them, this was different. Sex was different. She'd imagined herself having sex with Mulder countless times in the past seven years, and the two of them not wanting to be around each other afterward had never once been part of the equation. She loved Mulder with all her heart, and she didn't know exactly why the rift between them had occurred, but Scully was finding out that with Mulder, nothing ever went as planned. Not even personal matters.

"Hey. I made coffee," he kept pouring over something in the newspaper. Hopefully not another investigation, she prayed. Handling two kids and a full-time job in the FBI was taking more out of her than she thought it would. It was taking almost as much as she had to give.

"What are you looking at?" she asked, sitting down next to him on the couch after pouring herself a cup.

"Uhh, apartments," Mulder seemed hesitant to answer. It was as if he knew his words would shock Scully's system and make her stomach jump into her throat.

"O-oh."

"I mean, I've been talking a lot with Cynthia and I know that the sooner I find a suitable place for the three of us to live, the better standing I'll have with the courts."

_The three of us_, the phrase rang in her ears, mocking her. _There's four of us!_ she wanted to scream.

"I guess," was all she could get out.

"Plus, you know, it's time to let go of my old place. Lot of bad memories there."

He spoke like he hadn't been living with her for the past two weeks, just visiting. It pissed her off.

"You know Mu—"

"Good morning!" an enthusiastic little girl made her presence known from the hallway. As disappointed as Scully was that she was not going to be able to finish her conversation with Mulder, it overjoyed her to see Megan so happy and exuberant fist thing in the morning.

And she knew that she couldn't go another morning without the possibility of seeing that. She had to talk to Mulder. Convince him not to go.

"Hi Meggie," Mulder accepted the bouncing kid's hug. Then she stood on the couch and reached her arms out for Scully.

"Good morning little lady. Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah. I had a dream we went swimming."

"Really?"

"Can we go swimming? You and me and Zach and Mulder?"

_See Mulder, there are four of us._ And she had to keep everybody together.

XXX

It was after lunch before Scully got the opportunity to bring up Mulder's decision to move out, but it had been on her mind all day. She waited until he was engrossed in the ads of another newspaper to address the issue, sitting down on the side of his desk.

"Are you finding anything?" she asked, wanting to come off as nonchalant and definitely not as terrified as she really was.

"Mostly complexes. I'd rather not live in one of those."

"You know—"

"I was thinking maybe a condo or a townhouse. I know it's more money, but I'd like to give Zach and Megan a back yard. I think it'd be good for them."

"Mulder…" Scully took a deep breath once he finally looked up at her, "why are you all of a sudden looking for another place to live?"

He gave her a quizzical look.

"I told you, Scully, because Cynthia says it is going to help me in my adoption bid. My lawyer agrees."

"But what about my place?"

"Scully, I really appreciate everything you've done for us during this whole transition process. But you don't need to keep giving and giving. I don't want to be a burden on you."

"You're not."

"It's time we gave you your home back," Mulder kept talking like he wasn't even listening to her. It was getting to be too much.

"This is about the sex, isn't it?" she finally came out and said it.

"What?" Mulder was shocked that she was so blatant about what she was thinking.

"You want to get away from me because of the sex. I pushed you into it, but you thought it was a bad idea and now you want to leave."

"Scully—"

"You don't have to pretend that you didn't think that. I know it was a bad idea. I'm sorry we did it. I'm sorry I came on to you and I'm sorry we didn't talk about it. You don't have to tell me it was a mistake, I already know that. So don't feel bad about not being sure about where we stand because I have already come to terms with the fact that it shouldn't have happened and it won't happen again. But Mulder, we can move on from this."

"Scully, that's really not it at all."

"Then what is it? We've been carefully avoiding everything about each other for the past few days, our friendship and professional relationship have suffered, and I'm sick of it. We've made mistakes before, Mulder. Please, we can move on from this. You don't have to run away."

"Oh, who ran away? Who was the one who immediately jumped out of bed after we were finished? We were having sex one minute and the next you were telling me to get out of your room. Or how about the first time, after the IVF, when we woke up the next morning ass naked and you still pretended that nothing ever happened?" Mulder was fed up with Scully's clinical detachment from the subject.

"Megan had woken up," Scully defended herself pathetically.

"The door was locked, Scully," was really all he felt he needed to say.

"Look, I just want to get past this. And I think we can do that without you moving out."

"Scully, I can't sleep on your couch forever!"

Mulder thought he'd won the argument and had gotten his partner to see his point, until he heard something he never expected her to say.

"Then you can sleep in my bed."

The agents looked at each other like even they didn't believe what she had just stated. He tried to catch Scully's glance, but she was intent on studying the carpet.

"You know, I didn't hate it. I actually really liked it. And if it will make it easier for you to stay…"

"Whoa, Scully, please don't tell me you'll sleep with me just to keep me and the kids around. Okay? You don't have to do that."

"What I'm saying is that we're never going to be able to go back from what happened. And as long as we can be responsible and mature, we can make this… arrangement… work without either of us feeling like we're not in control. And if you and I being able to live together and provide a good home for the kids is what's best for them, then we should do whatever we can to make that arrangement work."

She was so ambiguous in her explanation. Yet it was a very logical, almost scientific, way of looking at the situation. It made Mulder want to laugh to know that she was just as level-headed about bedroom problems as she was about work.

"So you think we can't live together unless we're having sex?"

Scully blushed. She'd wanted to remain removed from what she was actually saying.

"I just want you and the kids to stay. And I'm tired of living the way we've been living. And it's not… it's not like I don't care about you," when he gave her a dumbfounded look, Scully continued spouting off whatever she thought he wanted to hear. "It wouldn't be the worst way to let off steam. We are adults."

Mulder was secretly loving the struggle Scully was having with admitting certain needs. And watching her ears turn beet red.

"Scully, if you wanted me in your bed, all you had to do was say so," he joked, taking the liberty to brush a strand of hair behind her ear. She fought back the urge to point out that she basically did just that not five minutes ago, but she was biting her lip too hard. She'd never come on so strongly to anybody, and it was making her feel uncomfortable. Luckily, though his chuckling hadn't abated, Mulder picked up on that.

"You don't have to worry about losing me or the kids. And anything that you need, we'll go at your pace, okay?"

Scully nodded, snaking her eyes upward to meet her partner's. He gave her a tiny grin that spoke volumes and expanded over the entire length of their time together. She gave him one right back, and for a moment, the link they shared was enough to wash away all of the horrors of the world.

And then Scully's cell rang.

_ "Dana, I need you to come home," _Maggie said over the line, with clear worry in her voice. And once more they were thrown back into a world where fleeting moments of happiness were always followed by ones containing the most tragedy.


	8. Chapter 8

warning: darkness and tears ahead

* * *

"Dana!" Megan exclaimed once she saw her walking through the door early. Mulder was right behind her. Scully caught the little girl and hoisted her up into her arms, but she was less than excited about what her mother had told her she would be walking into. Megan briefly wondered why the two adults looked anxious and upset, but she felt better once Mulder leaned over to brush his hand through her hair and kissed her cheek.

"What are you doing home?" Zach asked from the living room where he had been tinkering with an Erector set. Maggie sat on the couch nervously, tears already threatening to spill from her eyes.

"Uhh," Mulder began, knowing he couldn't admit the real reason they had come home.

"Lunch," Scully chimed in at just the right time, even though it was well past 2:00.

"Oh, we already had lunch," Megan said sadly, "but it's okay because you can have a snack with us."

"Thank you pumpkin," Scully tried to smile, but she couldn't.

Mulder knew he needed to get his partner and her mother in the same room together so that they could talk about why Maggie had called. But it wasn't going to be easy. Megan had been unusually attached to Scully lately, and Zach would know something was up. They needed a reason to get out of the house alone.

"Umm, Scully, I'd really like some ice cream, do we have any?" he asked, and she immediately picked up on the fact that he was trying to discreetly get Megan away from her.

"Check in the freezer. Oh, maybe Zach and Megan would like some too." Megan nodded enthusiastically and even Zach's interests were piqued.

"Oh no, Scully, we only have chocolate," it became clearer what he was trying to do.

"What kind would you like?"

"Chocolate chip."

She gave him a look that said, you _couldn't have done any better than chocolate chip?_ Mulder shrugged.

"Well I guess I'll have to go get some. Mom, do you want to come with me to the store?" Scully asked.

"Yes, let me get my purse," Maggie agreed, still visibly upset.

"I wanna go Dana!" Megan made herself known.

"No, I want you to stay here with Mulder."

"No, I wanna go with you."

"I'm sorry, honey, you can't."

"Why?"

"Because we don't need you to go."

The hurt look on Megan's face devastated Scully. And then the tears came.

"I wanna go," she whined. Scully handed her to Mulder.

"Meg, Dana and Mrs. Scully will be right back," Mulder tried to assure her.

"Don't go without me Dana," were the last words Scully heard from the girl as she reluctantly made her way out the door with her mom. Even after they started walking, her cries carried out into the hallway and made it difficult for either woman to think of anything else.

They walked to the end of the hall and were in the stairwell before Maggie started talking.

"Dana, I think Megan has suffered more abuse than just emotional," she confessed, and began to state her reasons for believing so.

XXX

Getting Mulder to agree to go to the hospital was difficult. He didn't want to believe what Maggie had told her daughter. Yet, all the signs were there. Even he had to admit that.

"She needs to be examined, Mulder. If we have any hope to help her, we have to figure out what is wrong with her," Scully explained that night after dinner. The kids were tucked into bed, but Maggie had stuck around, wanting to support her daughter with the hard decisions she would have to be making.

"Can't we do it here, Scully? You're a doctor. What more do we need?"

"We need other professionals here with us. We can't just go into a hospital stating that she's been sexually abused and expect them to listen to us just because we've been their primary caregivers for the past few weeks. If we want to hold out any hope that we can have even a little control over the situation, we're going to have to do this at a hospital."

"There has to be some other way. Some way that doesn't involve her going to a large unfamiliar place with a bunch of strangers asking her question after question and… examining her."

"I wish there were, Mulder. If I thought that we could do this here by ourselves, I would."

Mulder ran his hands over his face, wishing the little girl would never have to know the grave injustice that had been done to her. But Scully was right, this was the only way they could help her.

"Fox, I'm so sorry that this is happening," Maggie offered. She'd felt especially guilty the whole day, having been the one to raise concerns about the extreme fear Megan had of strange people bathing her once she'd discovered she had wet the bed during her afternoon nap. As if that hadn't been enough for the woman to worry, Zach had informed her about one of their mother's… contacts, a person both could only identify as "scary dog man," who had liked to bathe Megan a "special way" when he was over. It had almost made her sick as she relayed the information to her daughter, but there was no way Maggie wasn't going to raise concerns as to what she'd come to know that day.

"I should be thanking you, Mrs. Scully. For catching this as soon as you did. We could have gone months without knowing, all while she got worse."

"She's such a sweet little girl, I would take all of her pain away from her in a moment if I could," Maggie revealed. At this, Scully leaned in to her mother's embrace. It was astonishing to see just how close her mom had gotten to Zach and Megan in the short time she'd known them. Then again, it wasn't. They were good kids, so easy to love, and Scully knew her own feelings toward them were that of a mother.

"So what's the plan, Scully?" Mulder asked. He knew about the clinical, professional details about gathering evidence in a child molestation case. But he couldn't imagine applying them to his own flesh and blood. He needed his partner's guidance.

"We'll let her get a good night's sleep. All of us should get some. Tomorrow is going to be… difficult."

The three adults were all in the process of agreeing when Megan decided that she had another idea.

Usually, Mulder and Scully had learned from experience, if Megan were having a nightmare, they had about a two minute window of whimpering to get her calmed down before she started screaming. Not that night. Her piercing screams could be heard, Scully was sure, throughout her apartment building.

Mulder got to the bedroom first, just in time to peel Megan off Zach, gladly taking the hits she was giving her brother for himself. Closed fists collided with Mulder's chest as he tried to wake the girl from whatever flashback she was having.

"LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE! STOP!" Megan screamed with all her might. Ignoring Megan's strikes and her apparent accident, Mulder rushed her out to the bathroom, determined to get her in the light. As soon as he sat her down on the counter, Megan had balled herself up as much as she could and was covering her ears, still crying in earnest.

"Meg? Megan? Meg, everything is okay. Everything is fine. It's Mulder. You're safe," he tried desperately to soothe her, running a wet washcloth over her face and through her hair. But once she felt the coolness of the rag, Megan freaked out in a different way.

"No! I don't want another bath! NO!" she screamed. Mulder didn't know what kept him from crying in that moment, but he felt like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. He felt so useless for not being able to take Megan's problem away. Or for even being able to recognize it in the first place. Why had it taken Maggie Scully to bring up suspicions that she had been sexually abused?

"Meg…" Mulder sniffled, discarding the rag and pushing her hair back with his fingers. He just wanted her to wake up. Anything to wake her up.

A shiver ran through the little girl, and that was how Mulder knew she had woken up. Instead of terrified screams, she started emitting embarrassed sobs. He couldn't help himself. Mulder threw his arms around her and started rocking.

"Nobody is ever going to hurt you ever again. We're going to make it all better," he promised her. At that moment, Scully walked into the bathroom, a crying Zach in her arms, and they both knew. They would be spending the night in the hospital.

XXX

"How do you like this room sweetheart?" Mulder asked Megan the next morning as they entered a room in the children's psychology ward at the hospital. It was full of toys and art supplies, all of which would be used to further investigate the allegations that Megan had been inappropriately handled by men while in her mother's care. He'd refused to leave her side since the bathroom incident, which had made it a little difficult for Scully to convince him to allow herself and another doctor to examine her. Unfortunately, it hadn't been difficult to ascertain whether or not Megan had undergone sexual abuse. When examined, she'd been almost a textbook case. Scully felt she would need to step aside and vomit into a garbage bag more than once during the event, but she'd stayed in the room the whole time just like she promised Megan and Mulder she would. Thankfully, the doctor in the ER hadn't had any hesitations about Scully's recommendation to give the little girl something to relax her during the process. None of them had wanted her to endure more trauma than she already had.

"I jus' wanna go home," Megan slurred with sleep and as a side-effect of the lorazepam.

"We'll be able to go home soon. We just have to talk to some more people." Under no circumstances was Mulder going to use the word "cops."

"I don't wanna talk to anyone anymore."

"Hey, look at that dollhouse over there," Mulder tried to distract the five-year-old, whose patience was quickly wearing thin. Good thing Megan seemed interested in the toy.

"Do you like that dollhouse? Do you want to play?"

Though she hesitated, Megan slowly got down from Mulder's lap and went over to the dollhouse in question.

"Do you wanna be the daddy doll Mulder?" she asked him sweetly. From behind the one-way glass, Scully managed a smile as Mulder nodded and took the doll. If when she had first met him seven years ago somebody would have told her that everything they'd been through together would lead to that day, she wouldn't have believed them for a minute. The Mulder playing dolls with a little girl had little in common with the shadowy man who'd called himself "The FBI's Most Unwanted."

"Zach never wants to be the daddy doll," Megan informed him.

"Some boys don't like to play dolls. They don't know what they're missing."

Tucking the dolls into bed, Megan decided to tell Mulder something that had been on her mind for a while.

"If you're the daddy doll, then the mommy doll can be Dana."

"Oh yeah?" Mulder didn't really know how to broach that subject.

"Yeah. And you can sleep in the same bed. Do you sleep in bed with Dana?"

Taking a deep breath, Mulder was too tired to be anything but truthful. "Sometimes."

"Do you love Dana?"

Before he got a chance to answer, or even configure a plan for avoiding the question altogether, the two detectives who would be questioning Megan let themselves in the room. They were pleased to see that Mulder had already gotten the girl to start playing.

Twenty minutes later, Mulder excused himself to go to the bathroom. At least that was what Megan thought. He would really be watching her every move from behind the same glass that Scully had been standing behind while the detectives asked her a few questions. She was shy at first, but eventually opened up and told them everything that they needed to know.

Mulder and Scully clutched each other as she said the dreaded words.


	9. Chapter 9

On a Tuesday morning three months later, Scully crept into what used to be the spare bedroom in her house. But it had since been turned into the kids'—her kids', she felt—bedroom. Having gotten rid of the full bed that Zach and Megan used to share, bunk beds were set up in the corner, and Megan had squealed in delight when Mulder had said they were getting them that day at the furniture store. The extra space the old bed had left gave the kids more room to collect toys, and they did just that. Sometimes, Scully would look in there to see the hordes of dress up clothes and dolls and action figures and art supplies and toy cars and worry they were spoiling them. But Mulder had once pointed out that if there were any two kids in the entire world who deserved to be spoiled, it was Zach and Megan. Furthermore, they were good kids and there was nothing like seeing them happy. They both still preferred spending time with Mulder and Scully over any toy, their hugs over any treat, and as long as that was the case, Scully could live with the toys.

Scully turned on the nightstand lamp and crawled into bed with Megan, loving the feel of the little girl's body snuggled against her in sleep. She could've stayed like that all day, stroking Megan's hair back and watching her sleep peacefully for the first extended period in her life. But it was Tuesday, and they had to get going.

"Megan, sweetheart, it's the morning," she cooed softly, listening closely as Zach shifted in his bed above them.

Megan responded by burying her face into Scully's neck.

"Come on, it's Tuesday."

Slowly, the little girl lifted her head and, sleep-tousled hair covering an eye, she smiled.

"We get to go see Julie today," she said with as much enthusiasm as she could after just being roused from sleep.

"That's right, and Mulder is coming with us this time," Scully informed her. Julie was the children's therapist, who had been recommended to them at the hospital after Megan was examined. Every Tuesday for three months, instead of going right to school, Megan and Zach had been going for an hour to talk to her, and Scully and Mulder had seen dramatic improvements in both of them. They'd both successfully started school, Zach in third grade and Megan in kindergarten. Zach had been taking less responsibility for his sister and the previous actions of his mother, as well as dealing with her death properly. Megan's largest hurdle was getting over the sexual abuse, but some improvements that came along with her healing included less anxiety, especially when she wasn't around Mulder and Scully, easier bath times, and less bedwetting. Both children were blossoming into brighter and happier kids, and every day they were improving. And even with every nightmare, every tear, the agents persevered because they knew it was making them better. They'd have endured much worse to ensure that.

"Mulder's coming with?" Zach leaned over the railing to ask. Obviously, he'd been listening when Scully thought he was catching a few extra winks.

"Yes, he's out in the kitchen making breakfast right now." This led to the two youngsters launching themselves out of their beds and racing toward the kitchen. It was a well-known fact that when Mulder was home on Tuesdays, he would make breakfast, and when Mulder made breakfast, he made French toast. And he put more powdered sugar on his slices than Scully would have liked.

It was surreal, how different their lives had become, Scully thought to herself once Zach and Megan had abandoned her. For lack of a better term (and because she didn't want to think otherwise), they were her family. And they'd given so much to her life. She no longer brooded over work, she no longer felt a sense of upcoming dread lurking around every corner, she loved their smiles, she loved their hugs, and she wouldn't trade a single moment with them (even the ones where Megan pulled Zach's hair or Mulder initiated a whipped cream fight at the dinner table) for anything in the entire world. A year ago, when she thought about herself and her life, she saw a lonely, unhappy woman with no prospects other than getting to the bottom of a global conspiracy that had cost so many lives. And she'd wanted more. But Zach and Megan had filled more holes in her heart than she knew were there. Most surprisingly, they'd given her a man that she never knew Mulder was. He was so content in his role as a caregiver. The love he showed for the kids made Scully love him in impossible ways, and it was always nice to see him happy. He deserved happiness.

Chattering from the kitchen brought Scully out of her reverie. She had to go out there and make sure Mulder wasn't letting Megan put her own sugar topping on her toast, otherwise she would use the whole bag.

"You're gonna like Julie so much, Mulder. She's got TONS of toys and you can even paint pictures if you want to," Megan explained over a thankfully acceptable serving of French toast and powdered sugar.

"Is that so?"

"And sometimes she brings her doggy Rex, and he listens while we talk."

"Is he a good listener?" Mulder asked, passing a cup of coffee in front of Scully's face as he sat down to the table.

"Yeah. He stays still and he doesn't bark and he's never mean to me."

"Very good. Maybe I'll get to meet him today."

Mulder attending the sessions that day had to do with a meeting Julie wanted to have with the both of them afterward concerning the kids' progress. Mulder and Scully agreed that Scully would accompany the kids to their therapy sessions. The task involved mostly waiting in the waiting room with one of the kids while the other was having a session, but they both agreed that one of the changes they were going to have to make with the kids around would be in their work schedules. Scully had offered actually, knowing that while Mulder would do anything for the kids, he was having a harder time adjusting the amount of time he spent at work. And, though Scully didn't know how to admit it or bring it up, her assignment on the X-Files was starting to feel like just that. Since the destruction of the consortium and Mulder learning what had really happened to his sister, the elusive truth that they set out to find they were discovering more and more to be elaborately upkept lies. When it was just her and Mulder, there seemed to be a lot less at risk than there was now with two kids in the mix. But she refused to lay down her life and leave her children anymore all for a lie. She knew eventually Mulder would come to the same conclusion, but she didn't want to bring up her feelings to him quite yet.

The two shared virtually everything else, including a bed. They'd slept together seven times since they had agreed there was no going back from their first indiscretion. Well, seven and a half, Scully almost blushed at the memory of their first and only office mishap. It would be eight if Skinner hadn't knocked on the door, giving Mulder just enough time to zip himself up and Scully to button her blouse. The look on his face that day, though, had scared Scully, and that was why after Skinner (none the wiser) left, she hadn't even been able to look at him. He'd been so passionate, kissed her with such intensity, and when he moaned her name, there was no other sound like it in the world. She knew what was behind their seemingly platonic romps in the hay, but she was too scared of getting rid of every safety net she'd built in her relationship with Mulder. Contrary to what he knew about her, she hadn't always been a strong confident woman (still wasn't sometimes), and she'd been hurt by lovers in the past. Men who thought she would be okay with being treated as "just another girl," and one man who she feared would throw away his whole world at the expense of everyone in it just to be with her. That intensity scared her. She didn't think she deserved it. She saw the same intensity in Mulder.

Scully didn't realize how engrossed in thought she had been that whole morning until her eyes casually glanced at the clock over her kitchen stove. And she nearly panicked.

"We have ten minutes to get out the door and nobody is dressed!" she alerted them. Her whole life, she had been punctual Dana Scully, and she was finding with kids, that reputation was becoming slightly less than indicative of what she was actually able to manage. However, Mulder picked Zach up right out of his seat, grabbed Megan's hand, and the three made their way to the bedroom.

Neither one of them could do this alone.

XXX

"Thank you so much for being here today, I know that your work schedules are very busy," Julie Tybol, a whirlwind young woman with a fresh face and a fresh take on child psychology, greeted Mulder and Scully as they stepped into her personal office. Both adults could see why Megan and Zach liked her. She had an instantly friendly personality; she was the kind of person who could make anyone feel good about life.

"It was no trouble," Scully, more familiar with the woman than Mulder, smiled.

"Please have a seat. I've asked you two to meet with me just as an evaluation of progress, which is something I like to do for each of my clients two to four times throughout the year."

Mulder was very curious as to what the counselor had to say. In the FBI, "evaluation" was never a good word. Call him defensive, but he had been seeing drastic improvements in his children, and he wasn't going to let anyone tell him otherwise.

"I'd just like to start off by saying… I see a lot of children on a daily basis, but Zach and Megan are two of my favorite kids to talk with," Scully watched as Mulder's suspicious face broke out into a smile. "Despite what they've been through—the abuse, the abandonment, and their mother's death—they are incredibly thoughtful and resilient."

The three adults talked for a half hour about the progress that each child had made and where. Julie's reviews were glowing.

"Bottom line, you two, is that you have nothing to worry about. You have two incredibly strong children on your hands, and they love you very much. The improvement they've shown has been outstanding, and I'm glad you agree. Mr. Mulder, I understand that your adoption petition is still pending. Let me assure you that if you need any references or recommendations or even a personal testimony, my office would be more than happy to give them to you. I feel that you two, as unique as the situation you are in is, are the best people for these children to be with, and that their outstanding progress is in no small part attributed to you."

Mulder and Scully's hearts each swelled with pride. Not only were the kids showing extreme improvement, but over the course of their partnership, there were a lot of things they were told they couldn't do, and there were a lot of ways in which they had felt they failed. They were reminded of that almost daily. No matter what was said about them, though, they'd saved two children in every sense of the word.

"Thank you so much Julie," Scully said for the both of them as they were leaving her office. The grin on Mulder's face threatened to split it in two, though, as he shook the young woman's hand.

"The pleasure is mine," her words were cut off by Zach's delight at seeing Mulder and Scully from his vantage point in the waiting/play area. Soon, both kids were wrapped around their heroes.

"Mulder, can have lunch at a sit down place?" Zach asked hopefully.

"You know what, Scully, call the school. I'll call work. It's the perfect time to go to the movies," Mulder declared, making the kids' eyes pop open to double their size in excitement. Normally one to protest, Scully only grabbed her phone from her purse and took hold of Megan's hand as they walked out of the office. They weren't accustomed to getting such good news, and it came at the best possible time.

Maybe Mulder was letting go of his chokehold on the X-Files.


	10. Chapter 10

"Keep kicking your legs Meggie, kick them hard," Mulder encouraged the young girl as he held her up in the pool of their hotel by her torso. Though she was wearing water wings, a nose clip, and goggles, Megan was tensing up at the prospect of her head going under the water, not knowing that every time she did it was more likely. Scully was helping Zach, who had been taking swim classes at the neighborhood fitness club and was more comfortable in the water than his sister, to float on his back. This was only after he'd spent around fifteen straight minutes doing cannonballs, which was starting to annoy some of the older people sitting around the pool. Scully couldn't give less of a shit about them if it meant her child was having fun, but she didn't want their first vacation to be associated with any bad memories whatsoever, and she heaved a sigh of relief when he'd shown interest in learning to float.

"Don't let me go under Mulder!" Megan begged. Mulder was caught between wanting Megan to face her fears and not wanting to betray her trust. It was every parents' bike-riding, swim lesson dilemma.

"Megan, you're going to be fine. It's just like taking a bath."

"Noooo!" she whined, seizing up and holding on to Mulder with all her might. Mulder sighed and clutched her close. He had to remind himself that it was normal for kids to be scared of the water, even though he never was and couldn't remember Samantha being either.

"We can try again tomorrow, pumpkin. Are you hungry?" It was nearing lunchtime and hopefully the kids would be up for a nap afterward, since Mulder and Scully were planning on taking them to a carnival later that afternoon and they would need their energy. Somehow, Mulder had convinced Scully to go on a vacation with him and the kids to Memphis. Four days and three nights in Tennessee as a reward to them all for coming out of a shitty situation stronger. The first day, they visited Graceland, and Mulder was practically giddy with sharing his knowledge of the King. Especially with the kids. But his enthusiasm was wearing off on Scully, and that night after the kids had gone to bed, they'd danced to "Love Me Tender." It was a two-and-a-half minute song that lasted a lifetime and ended with a kiss on the cheek, but that didn't make the experience any less special. Scully thought she could tell him that night, about what she'd recently discovered in a DC hospital about her past, about herself, and about where her life was headed. Even though the timing didn't seem right, her life had landed her in his arms that night, sharing yet another bed, and getting to wake up the next morning to their children fighting over covers in their sleep. Every day since she'd closed the door on Daniel, she knew that her life and everything that had happened to her on the X-Files had landed her in that moment, and that moment was one she wouldn't give up for anything.

"Peanut butter and banana sandwiches!" Zach exclaimed, flipping himself and paddling over to Mulder and his sister.

"Just like the King!" Megan joined in. Mulder couldn't help but laugh heartily. Scully was smiling wide too.

"What about regular sandwiches?" she tried.

"Dana, we can't just have regular sandwiches!" Megan protested as they all left the pool to dry off. Though it was an indoor pool, the little girl started to shiver before the towel was wrapped around her.

"We'll see what we can do, okay?"

XXX

It turned out that peanut butter and banana smoothies were a perfect substitute for sandwiches. They were at a little diner not far from their hotel and on the same street the carnival was to be on that night. Megan turned around in the booth every once in awhile, abandoning her chicken nuggets, to watch them set up. Mulder and Scully could both see her excitement building.

"Look at that pony ride! What is that called?" she asked innocently. Her hair was drying in all different directions.

"A carousel," Mulder answered.

"Yeah, a carousel," Megan said like she'd known the word all along, "I want to ride on that."

"Only if you finish your meal," Scully stepped in.

"Is it a scary ride?" Megan asked, tucking into her food.

"You're so stupid, Megan, look at it. It's a baby ride," Zach belittled his sister.

"That's enough," Mulder wanted to avoid a fight before it even started. "Have you guys ever been to a carnival?"

Both children shook their heads. Yeah, he'd missed their first words and he hadn't taught either of them how to walk, but he could take them on their first vacation to their first carnival and maybe that was the stuff that really mattered.

"Yeah there are rides and everything, but the best part of any carnival are the games."

"You mean those hokey games that they use to scam people out of their money?" Scully asked in disbelief.

"That's gotta be coming from someone who has never won at any," Mulder grinned smugly.

"You're right, I've never been hoodwinked into throwing away my money at one." She was challenging him, he knew.

"You've never won the big teddy bear?"

"There's big teddy bears?" Megan asked in wonder.

"Bigger than you baby," Scully ran her fingers through her hair.

"Can we go now?"

"You have to eat a little more. How are those smoothies?"

"Wanna try some Scully?" Mulder waggled his eyebrows, holding up his drink to her. In part because of the good mood she had been in and in part because she was sick of ignoring his blatant innuendo, Scully leaned over and put her lips around Mulder's straw.

"Mmm."

"Want me to order one?"

"No," she let him know, taking the straw from her water and sticking it in his cup. Sharing a smoothie with Mulder made her giggle and feel like she was in high school again. Not one to be outdone, Mulder took Scully leaning forward in their booth as an opportunity to wrap his arm around her middle and hold her there. Zach looked completely unenthused as to the tender moment that was going on between Mulder and Scully, while Megan had a big smile on her face. They were sure they didn't understand, but one thing was certain, and that was that Megan and Zach's moods were absolutely influenced by the way Mulder and Scully treated each other. In a way, that thought solidified their family unit. It meant that Scully was just as integral to their lives as Mulder was. It meant this was going somewhere.

Scully made no move to remove Mulder's hand. And that is where they stayed for the rest of the meal.

XXX

Their hands found each other once again that evening as they strolled around the carnival with the kids. Scully had been right, the games were only set up to rip people off. But Megan managed to get a few little toys in coin dozer. Zach was only interested in the rides.

"Look at that!" the little boy shouted, pointing to a large ride that, in some ways, resembled a UFO.

"The Gravitron," Mulder read, eyes wide.

"I need to go on that," Zach was determined.

"It's your turn to go with him," Scully gloated. She'd gotten the easy ride, the ferris wheel.

"Okay. Are you going to be here?"

"I think Megan and I are going to go check out the carousel. Meet us there when you're done."

Nodding, they knew they had this whole parenting thing down.

"Are you sure you're not scared?" Mulder asked Zach as they entered the ride, which was an enclosed area with mats on the walls.

"No. This is cool," Zach let him know.

"If you're ever scared, you know you don't have to keep it bottled up," Mulder explained as the operator came around and secured everyone to the mats, "You can always talk to me."

"I know."

"I love you, Zach. You and your sister are the best thing that ever happened to me."

"Mulder?" Zach looked at him inquiringly, "Are _you_ scared?"

Laughing, Mulder shook his head as he felt the ride start to spin.

Down the street, Megan and Scully were walking toward the famed carousel. Practically hopping up and down by the time they got there, the five-year-old had very specific ideas of what she wanted the ride to be like.

"I want to ride on that pink horse with the white hair. Her name is Ladybug. Do you think she's nice?"

Scully chuckled. "She looks perfectly nice to me."

"Yeah, you're right. I love her."

"You know something Megan?" Scully asked, garnering the little girl's attention.

"Hmm?"

"I love you."

"Really?"

"More than you know."

As she was sat on the horse of her dreams, Megan took time to let that sink in.

XXX

"You two ready to call it a night?" Scully asked the kids later, after all the rides were ridden and all the popcorn and cotton candy had been eaten. Megan was being carried by Scully and Zach rode on Mulder's back. They were both exhausted, but still unwilling to leave the carnival.

"We never got a big teddy bear," Megan reminded them as they passed a stand where the aforementioned items hung from hooks waiting to go home with little girls.

It was a pitching game, and Mulder had to knock down the stacked cans to win the prize. He missed his first two pitches, but then he put down $10 more and when he saw the encouraging look in Scully's eye, he knew that it was for her. Was this their first date?

"Come on Mulder," Scully got the kids to say. A few choruses of that was all it took for the cans to seemingly fall of their own accord and Megan got her pick of a moderately sized cat or bear. She chose the cat, which she very originally named Kitty on the spot.

Megan and Zach were both asleep by the time they hailed a cab. And they didn't wake up once, even when they were stripped of their shoes and tucked into bed. Scully thought she had never seen anything so beautiful as Mulder pulling the covers up around both of them and kissing their foreheads each. The most beautiful thing about it was that she would get to see it tomorrow and the next day and the next day…

But she couldn't fool herself. She needed to tell Mulder what she wanted and how she felt because as much as she would've liked to pause that moment in time, she couldn't expect things to stay the same forever.

"I can't believe how fast they fell asleep," Mulder smiled at her, coming to sit on the bed as well.

"It was a big day. I don't think I've ever seen them smile that much."

"You have to admit, Scully," Mulder started as he stretched backward, "we're pretty good parents."

It wasn't the perfect opening, but she'd have to go with it. She was almost bursting.

"Do you think of us as parents?"

"Yeah. Even if we aren't their parents, that's what we're acting as, and that's the role we fill."

"So… what does that make us?" It sounded like a stupid question, but there was another meaning behind it.

Mulder looked confused. "I just said it. We're parents. Like it or not, I guess. But I like it."

"Mulder…" he didn't realize she was having such a hard time talking until he heard that exasperated sigh.

"What? What's the matter?" Mulder asked, sitting up to find Scully had covered her face with her hands.

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"I can't do this."

"Do what?" Now he was starting to get scared. What did she mean? Was she going to leave?

"Can I tell you something?" she asked through her fingers.

"Anything."

Scully let out a deep sigh. Where to begin?

"There's something I've been feeling about… about what is going on between you and me, for a long time and I don't think I can let things go on the way that they've been going on for any longer. I can't. It's too painful."

Mulder's heart stopped and fell into his stomach like lead. This was it. She was leaving him. It was too much for her to love Zach and Megan and not think about her own barrenness and she wanted out. She couldn't be a mother and she hated him for it.

"Scully…" his mouth was dry, "whatever it is, we can work—"

"Mulder, don't say anything. I have to tell you a story."

It was killing him to keep his mouth shut. But he did. Somehow.

"I was 24 when I met Daniel. He was one of my professors and advisors in medical school. The last year of school, we had an affair. Not a lot of people know that."

Mulder started to breathe again and listen to what she was trying to tell him.

"He was married and he had a daughter who was a teenager at the time. Things started to get serious between us and he wanted to leave his wife. But before he could, I told him I was leaving. I finished med school and came to DC and joined the Bureau, in part, to get away from that. That was ten years ago.

"Last week when you asked me to pick up the autopsy reports on those teenagers, I was given the wrong records. When I opened them up, they were x-rays of Daniel's chest."

She paused, and Mulder asked, "Same Daniel?"

"Same Daniel."

He knew what she was thinking. It was a sign. But a sign of what?

"He'd had a serious heart attack and was in that hospital. I went to see him."

"What was he doing in a DC hospital?"

"He… he moved there ten years ago after leaving his wife. After I moved here."

This was scaring Mulder. He'd never had a conversation like this with Scully before. He didn't know how to react.

"He's been following you for ten years?"

"I have no reason to suspect that. It seems he simply _moved_ here. And our paths happened to cross by chance."

_Chance_, Mulder inwardly scoffed. He didn't believe it. As someone who personally went to the ends of the Earth for Dana Scully, he knew that someone would go to the ends of the Earth for Dana Scully.

"But that's the thing, Mulder. Seeing Daniel after all these years, it made me question a lot of things about my life. My job and the life that I chose haven't exactly been kind to me, Mulder. They haven't been kind to us. And I just started thinking, what if I'd stayed? How different would my life be?"

"How different all our lives would be," Mulder gulped.

"He asked me to come back to him, you know. He told me he knew I wasn't happy and that he could make me happy."

"Was he right?"

"I've never been happier in my life," she confessed, making him feel a little better. "Zach and Megan are my angels. They've given me a new perspective on things."

Thank God she thought that. Though he did want to be included in that list.

"So he was wrong?"

"Now, yes. But last year or the year before, especially when I was fighting the cancer, it's not so easy to say that."

How could he argue with her on that? She'd suffered more at the hands of their enemies than he had by a long shot. There were times, after Antarctica, where he was amazed at every day that she walked through their office door. There had to be an end. But Mulder was fighting with everything inside of him not to grab her as tightly as he could and beg her for it not to be today. Not today.

"Right away, I knew it would never work. But that was because I was thinking in my 26-year-old frame of mind. It wasn't forbidden anymore. It wasn't taboo or wrong. He was… he _is_… a man who loves me and at one time I loved him too. I walked out of the hospital but it stayed with me. What if I wanted the life I didn't choose?"

Forget shouting. Forget begging. Mulder couldn't speak. He was paralyzed by her words.

"I, uh… I came across this Buddhist temple in Chinatown. I wasn't praying but I was… asking, I think, God to help me. To tell me whether this was the path that was meant for me," a look of disbelief came across her face before she continued speaking. In fact, it sounded as if she almost laughed.

"What did God say?" Scully gave him a hurt look. Mulder didn't mean to sound so spiteful, but he thought that she was preparing him for her leaving.

"He said it was."

No matter what she had said at that moment, Mulder was going to start crying.

"Why? Why Scully?"

"Why what?"

"Why would this be the path God meant for you? You've been kidnapped and experimented on and you've had your sister and your own fertility stolen from you. You found a daughter only to watch her die. You've gone through so much for me and for everybody but why would a loving God torture you by putting you through this? What is the point?" he was crying so hard that Scully was afraid he would wake Zach and Megan up. Yet she couldn't help but let a few tears slide down her cheek. She couldn't imagine her life without Mulder, yet he was effectively asking her to leave him.

"He brought me to you," she tried to get through to him by cupping his face and trying to get him to look her in the eye. Not quite believing what he was hearing, Mulder couldn't let her talk like that.

"Don't pity me Scully, you would be a perfectly happy and healthy woman if it weren't for me."

"Without you, Mulder, I wouldn't be nearly as whole. Every day before I met you was spent in this sheltered bubble where black was black and white was white and I never had to question anything. But you made me question, you made me believe in other things. You gave me a life beyond structure and rigidness. I can never thank you enough."

He was staring at her now, wondering how she could be so perfect.

"And you gave me two beautiful kids who have changed and saved my life."

Fingers through hair. Thumbs to tears.

"These and everything else about you, Mulder… it's made me love you," she said in a small voice.

If there was anything he couldn't believe, it was that.

"Yes," she answered his shaking head, "I love you in a way I've never loved anyone before. I love you more than Daniel. I love my life with you and I love the path that I've chosen."

Their first real, loving kiss started off with him being so sad. But by the end of it, the infectious new outlook Scully had on life had spread to Mulder and he was smiling.

They were the best thing for each other.

There was only one button left done on her shirt when they heard a shift in the bed next to them. Both of their hearts stopped as they looked shyly over themselves to see if they'd been caught.

Zach had just turned over on his other side. But it was enough for them to gather their heads.

"First thing we do when we get home is drop them off at your mom's," he tried joking, and she playfully hit him in the shoulder.

"I'm going to get ready for bed. When I get back, are you up for some Bill Maher and a goodnight kiss?" Scully asked with a big smile on her face.

"I think I can manage that."

"Okay," she moved to get up, but was held back for a second by his hand over her wrist.

"Hey Scully? I love you too."

* * *

**conflict resolution**


End file.
